Along with connection and support, communication is the foundation of our relationships, and it impacts alot more than our love life. In this episode we discuss the impact of effective communication and conscious relationships, while providing 7 simple tips to communicate effectively with your partner.

I first started using these tips a few years ago, and they completely turned my marriage around. I went from resentful and distant, and having conversations blow up, to being able to communicate like the team we are today, asking for support, and speaking about things before they fester. If you’re interested in how to communicate in a better way in your relationship, then you’ll want to give this episode a listen.

Tune Into The Episode

7 Simple Tips To Communicate Effectively With Your Partner

  • Why communication is so important
  • Conscious Relationships
  • When we don’t have it
  • Tips To Communicate Effectively With Your Partner
    • Remember you’re on the same team
      • King vs Fool
    • Get ahead of the blow up
    • Soft starts
    • Provide a roadmap
    • Give space
    • Talk while on the go
      • Car
      • Walk
    • Use podcasts as a conversation starter

Show Notes

Podcast Episode: Why Connection Comes Before Playfulness In A Relationships:—Why-Connection-Comes-Before-Playfulness-in-Your-Relationship—How-to-Connect-With-Your-Spouse-e2htdfq/a-ab4n9ng

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Hello, and welcome back. Today’s episode is all about communication in our relationships. And this is almost like a part two from the previous episode a couple of weeks ago, all around connections. in our relationships because I truly, truly believe that communication, connection, and support are the foundations of our relationships and our relationships are the foundation of our home.

that is where we have our rock, our support system, and in having a really great Relationship and support system. It supports us and truly leaning more and more into ourselves and to our authenticity. And when we have peace in our relationships with that connection and communication and support.

We are able to let our guards down, as I spoke about in that episode, and to really be able to blossom as our authentic individuals, because we don’t have the need to have as many of these protector pieces layered one on top of each other. And so when we are able to really relate in a way that is supportive and Conscious

we’re able to really blossom as individuals and together. So the previous episode, if you haven’t already listened to it, I encourage you to go back. I want to say it is two episodes ago. Uh, there’s a chance it’s three, but it is all around connection within your relationship. So I encourage you to go ahead, pause this, go back there, give that a listen, and then come back here as we expand into the communication side of things.

And I will also add in, before we really dig into this, I have two mother circles going on in collaboration with Melissa DiNuzo, who is my co collaborator for these circles, we have one in person in Souk the last Wednesday of every month, and we are just now opening up to online, and so those will be held the following day on the last Thursday of every month.

So if you are interested in those, I will leave the links in the show notes. They are just a really, really beautiful way of connecting on this deep, deep level and really feeling nourished from that connection. So many different social interactions, whether it’s in person or on zoom, can leave us feeling really zapped and depleted.

And these are very different where it is a very intentional interaction. Deep, authentic connection that actually leaves you feeling really nourished and it soothes the soul in a way that us as communal beings truly, truly need. And it is very supportive for our self care to be able to. Relate in sisterhood with other mothers who have been in the same place and really shows us that we aren’t so Isolated in our feelings when we may feel that way and to be able to really come together in a supportive way To feel heard, to feel witnessed, and to be able to really let it all out, the challenges and the good, and to be celebrated in the good as well, is just really wonderful, and I highly encourage everyone to be able to find , some sort of space, that aligns for you in that way, whether it is with these circle offerings that Melissa and I have for you, or something else, That is more resonant for you, but those are available.

Now I will get into the real topic of today’s podcast episode, and that is communication. And to put a bit of a container around this, And this is with the thought of applying it to conscious relationships. And so what I think of in terms of conscious relationships is where each partner is in it for the long haul.

They are there to truly support one another. They want the best for each other. And even though they might come up with challenges or hard times, they are willing to do the work to make it through whatever it is. And so I realize that isn’t the case for everyone and perhaps the clarity around that piece isn’t available for everyone at this time.

And so if you’re not sure if you really resonate with that conscious relationships piece, I encourage you to perhaps reflect on your relationship and if it feels like a true partnership where you are willing to grow together to be able to And I’m going to be talking about, um, how to, um, how to, um, consciously maintain the connection to have those uncomfortable conversations to do the work and begin to work in these different communication styles.

Now, I will say these communication tips that I will get into later in the episode, they do apply for all different situations. However, if you are in some sort of relationship dynamic that is really not great for you, whether it is abusive in some sort of way or there are other dynamics at play, perhaps there’s going to be more challenges.

If you’re dealing with a narcissist or someone who completely gaslights you all the time or is very controlling. These aren’t necessarily tips for you. So just kind of setting that stage, setting the tone, if that is your situation. Carissa Parrish is a divorce coach who is absolutely wonderful and she is happy to have conversations with women who are thinking about things.

And so she is a great sounding board to help you figure out what’s going on, what kind of decision you want to make and what feels aligned for you and what next steps are regardless of where your decision lands. And then for those

who know they are in conscious relationships or that’s what they really want, that’s what they’re working towards, then this episode is for you. And what I see time and time again, and this has been coming up in conversations, I can’t remember if I spoke about it in that last connection episode. But I’ve been saying the same story over and over again. And I think it really applies here is that I feel like through life.

Especially through parenthood, but through all of the different challenges that we have stacked on us, that we face all the time in relationships, there’s going to be times that we end up going further and further apart. And so the important piece of conscious relationships and really choosing to stay connected and to have good communication skills is to be able to come back together.

As you start to drift apart, so that way it prevents that gap between you drifting apart from getting wider and wider and wider. You’re able to keep bringing it in, keep checking in together and really establishing that foundation. So those gaps don’t get so wide and you’re really able to maintain that strong foundation and support structure that you have.

And when we don’t have this and we end up having that connection that just gets further and further apart. And when we’re not truly communicating, that’s where resentment breeds. That’s where you’re not communicating things. So you’re getting caught up in your head, thinking of all of these different things about the other person, but it’s going left on set.

And so whenever something triggers it, it gets worse and continues to perpetuate in your mind. And then when something inevitably, pushes you over the edge or when a conversation is even just opened up, there is so much that is pent up that it just blows up. And often in these blow ups, like we’re coming from a wounded place and a lot of wounding can also be done and we want to generally avoid having these blow ups happen and perhaps because they get so bad.

We’ll avoid communication altogether because we don’t want to deal with the conversation and the impacts that may have. And then again, it just keeps having that divide get bigger. It keeps drifting apart the connection. So we don’t want that for our conscious relationships. We want to have the The tools and feel equipped to really be able to communicate in a positive manner and to be able to come back together to be able to work through things before they blow up, before they get super big.

Or perhaps that is something that is triggering that can get a bit. You are able to navigate it better and better each time you move through something together and prevent it from becoming as big as that perhaps it used to get.

And so that is what we are going to go through today and actually giving you some helpful tips to communicate with your partner.

And so the number one starting point for me is to remember that you are on the same team. You are a partnership. It is not about you against each other, fighting to see who wins. It is truly about you are both on a team and there’s a disagreement and we need to problem solve to figure out how we can work through this problem together.

And so I think that really takes a big mindset shift and that was a really big one for me personally. And realizing it’s not about like Uh, he does this or that and it bothers me. I want this different. It’s like, no, there’s something not working in our household or in our relationship. So how can we come together to make adjustments so we can both thrive?

So our family can thrive.

And I’m remembering this TikTok I saw the other day and it’s really stuck with me too. I really like how she phrased it and I wish I could remember the creators who posted it. It was a podcast clip. If anyone knows, please let me know.

I would love to give them credit. , but essentially what she was talking about, and it was from a more. religious background, and I don’t necessarily share those religious beliefs, but it was talking about marriage and how

everybody within them has a king or a fool. And so when we are speaking with our partners, we want to be speaking with them when we see them as the king.

I believe how they had related it to the Bible. It is like, do not speak with him unless you see him as I do. And again, like, whether or not you relate with the Bible, I do think that there is a really important message in this. In that when, if we are seeing him as a fool. being annoyed by this and that, that they’re doing and not seeing them in that light that they really deserve to be seen in, it’s going to come across as attacky.

It’s not going to be as productive. You really don’t have that team flavor to it. So when you can really take the time to sit with whatever you are going through, And be able to see them as that king or as that queen, that royal sovereign, however you want to look at it. It’s that we all have that piece within us, however we identify, and then that fool.

And so when you can see them in such high regard and really see the light in them, see the good in them, we speak to them from our hearts in a different way and we are much more likely be going to be able to come to a resolve. To be able to dampen things before it gets too escalated. And so I really liked that being highlighted that not only are we on the same team, but to really see them as the best and to be speaking to our partners as if we are championing them and championing our relationship.

And it’s really going to make that shift in how that conversation goes.

Tip number two, when it comes to communication, is to get ahead of the blow up. So this ties back into kind of the ebbs and flows with our connection and how the longer we let things go, the longer we drift apart, the longer that resentment builds up. the more often there will be a blow up when those conversations happen.

And so when we can get ahead of it and really speak about things at the very beginning, when we are noticing something feels off or that we want to address something, whatever it is,

We want to talk about it right away and when we do that, when we get ahead of it and talk about it right away, often we’re not going to be as emotionally charged and so the conversation will be a lot more productive and then because of that, because it’s not as emotional and it is more productive, it is going to train our nervous systems to actually feel safe with having these conversations with communicating.

Because if we are used to having things blow up and be a big fight and be super intense, of course, we have trained ourselves to have our guard up, to hate these conversations, to feel like we need to be in battle mode and do all of these different things,

to be in battle mode, to do all of these different things.

And so when we are slowly making progress, and we are getting ahead of things before they blow up, we are coming together as a team, we are seeing our partners as their king or queen or royal sovereign, things are going to slowly start getting better in the communication department, and so that is going to slowly rewire our system to be okay with communicating, with having these tough conversations.

And that will slowly make things easier and easier and easier over time.

And another tip that ties into that, that I actually didn’t even write down, is to take a moment to celebrate in one way or another. Celebration is something that I love. Strongly weave into my coaching practice because it’s a way to train our nervous system to do the hard things.

It’s actually something I do with my kids as well. Like they were very nervous and scared about starting baseball season and they were like, had their guards up. We’re very worried about these things. And so to help train them to like these events because they always end up so happy after them at the end, it’s like, okay, what’s your favorite part?

How did you feel when you like hit that ball and you ran to second base and really give yourself a moment to relish in the feelings? Just like at the end of each of my coaching sessions, I take a moment to celebrate what was your favorite moment or biggest aha or celebration or gratitude that you would like to share from our session.

Similarly, I do it at the beginning to really reflect on the past week and it’s a way of training yourself to recognize the good that is happening, especially when it comes to communicating in relationships or doing the personal development work. Sometimes it is clunky and you’re trudging through things and it’s not the most fun.

So when you’re taking a moment to reflect and finding a way to celebrate and sometimes that celebration is like, you know what, this. was not fun. this was not a great conversation and it used to be so much worse. So I can see our progress and taking a time to really sit in that is going to slowly train you over time to feel more at ease at having those tough conversations, at doing the difficult work, whatever it may be that you’re doing.

Now, weaving it back into specifically for communication tips, a huge tip is what I refer to as soft starts. So I first heard it called soft starts from Shayna Schocket, I believe she’s loveafterbaby on Instagram. I had interviewed her for an old um club episode and I think it’s just a really memorable way of Thinking about this and so with soft starts Again, it taps into that being in the mindset of being on the same team as seeing your partner Is that King or Queen or Royal Sovereign and then

Starting out softly, not starting out in attack mode. So, for example, , say dinner times are super stressful and you’re tired of freaking out and turning, ending up in yelling by the end of, by the time you’re done cooking, you end up yelling or like the dinner meal itself gets quite stressful because you’ve had all of this amp up and the kids are eating and it’s like this whole thing.

And so say, for example, that’s what you want to talk to your partner with. So instead of saying like, ah, it’s all on me, like, I need you to do more things, or why don’t you help me in this way? You can pause, right? And think of a soft start to this. And so, With that example, it could be like, you know, dinnertime’s around here.

Just like, I’ve been super stressful lately. Like, have you been feeling that? I’m really not enjoying the way our family has dinner together. And I feel like it has potential to be a nice connected time. But lately it’s just full of stress and yelling. And I was hoping to talk to you about it and see how we could turn it into something that’s better.

better than it currently is. And so you see how that can be a great way of coming together as a team. with that soft start and coming together to how can we solve this problem. And so, through that communication, through coming from how you feel. It’s not about you do or don’t do this. It’s this is how I feel about the situation.

I’m gonna stop you. Present facts and then present your feelings, not jumping to, you don’t do this, you don’t do that. Like, that’s not the facts we want to bring into this. We want to be that team and we want to see them in that higher light. And then the next tip is to provide a roadmap. Our partners are not mind readers.

We may feel like it is super clear for what we want them to do to help us and we might feel like we drop hints and like, how do they not know this already, like, they’ve been in this house doing this thing, seeing me do this day after day for years, how do they not know that this thing needs to be done?

Um, we need to lay it out for them in plain English. providing that roadmap and tying this back into these conscious relationships. Like we are in a partnership. We want to support each other. We want to grow together. And when we’re able to provide that clear roadmap, generally that partner is like, thank you.

Now I know what to do. Now I know how I can help you. Now I know what’s expected. And so it just makes it really clear. And instead of saying like, perhaps, Let’s bring it back to that dinner example, and how it’s super stressed out, and perhaps you feel like you were the one who does all the things, and then that’s why you get super stressed out, and then the kids stack on top of it, and it just like breathes this energy at the dinner table that no one is really enjoying.

And so perhaps what a roadmap could look like is like, I was thinking about, I get super stressed. Do you think I could just take a 10 minute break before I stay and make dinner and you can be like the primary one in charge of the kids. I’m just going to shut myself in a room and do a quick meditation or breathe or center myself or whatever it is.

I urge you please do not go in that room and scroll on social media because that is only numbing things, not helping things. I have a great free grounding meditation that is perfect for this situation. If you’re interested, I will leave that linked, but just request how this will really help me come into things from a calm place.

And then another thing that could help is while I’m cooking, if perhaps you, or we could get the kids to be able to set the table for me, so I don’t have to think about that. And what I’m thinking of was set the table means So, um, I’m going to go ahead and say, um, I’m going to say, um, I’m going to say, um, But we might have different ideas of what it is.

So it’s very important to be very clear and create that clear roadmap and to have a conversation around it. Like, what do you think of that? Does that sound doable? Do you have any ideas that might help? And be that team solving that problem together with clarity, with clear expectations.

Now, a few other tips that can help, because sometimes this can feel quite intense if we’re like sitting across from each other, it can feel like this big intense thing, something we don’t really want to do.

So some ways to mitigate some of that, to ease some of the pressure. is first, I definitely recommend give space and that’s something personally like took me a bit of time to learn and it’s something I’m still continually working on and learning and I think attachment wounds can come into this.

Often in relationships we’ll see what can be thought of as an island and a wave and the island is more the isolator and then the wave Can kind of have those ups and downs and if the island is isolating, then the wave goes to like, put more pressure on. It’s like, why are you isolating? Come be with me.

I’m worried about this or starts attacking and because it’s wanting that attachment, that validation, that connection in a certain kind of way. And we can have different roles within this depending on the relationships, perhaps with our partners. We may be more of an island, but when it comes to friends or parents, we might be more of a wave.

So it can be an interesting thing to dive into and something I dive into with clients and support them through those things. deeper wounds and triggers and reactions that are coming up in these attachment relationships. But to really circle back, perhaps your partner is an island and when they are wanting space, perhaps they just need time to absorb the conversation or perhaps they are having a really big emotional reaction and they don’t want to blow up on you, so they need to go away.

You need to give them the space, and that can be super hard at times. I feel ya. I’ve been there. It’s like, please just answer me. Have this conversation. Why do you need to go away? How long are you going to like be away acting like that for? But we need to give them space. We need to not push too hard. And that actually helps facilitate the conversation, helps prevent those big blow ups.

Like perhaps, like I touched on, they can be super emotionally charged and just need to decompress so things don’t escalate further. So give some space. Now, A few other ways of taking the intensity out of the conversation instead of that like one in front of the other sitting down or standing is to talk while on the go.

So whether you are in a car side by side. Not looking at each other like that helps ease some pressure and then also while walking so you’re actually moving which is really helpful for moving the emotions through your body and Preventing kind of that heated Build up and then blow up so walking can be super good and having these kinds of conversations And another little helpful tip is to, if you are nervous about how to approach a particular topic with your partner, put it on a podcast.

Be like, so I was listening to this podcast the other day and they mentioned this thing. What do you think about it? And I find that can be a little bit easier to start conversations when you’re someone who tends to hold yourself back, you’re worried about the repercussions, you’re still working on really cultivating that like safety and love and belonging within yourself so you’re not feeling quite as confident navigating the conversations yet.

If this is a struggle, I’d love to help you. But it can just be nice to put it off on someone else, ease some pressure, and open up the doors to the conversation. So that is one last tip for you as well. So there we go. We have gone through a lot, but as I touched on at the beginning, I really think communication is , so important.

When we are able to communicate with each other, it just Plays into the connection because as I talked about in that other podcast episode, we have a few different points of connection There’s emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual, and so the communication can tie into that emotional, that intellectual, although that physical and that spiritual are also important.

And when we have these two points, we are able to communicate how to feel supported because that is a learned thing often and Perhaps that will need to be another podcast episode because there can be a lot of struggles around the support side and part of that is communication. We might not feel clear on how to communicate.

Hopefully after this episode, you’re feeling a little bit more well equipped to have those conversations. And, uh, thank you And in terms of support, I do think there is more at play in terms of like what are our love languages in terms of intimacy, support, and connection. We can be looking at erotic blueprints.

It can also be our self care and how we see ourselves as feeling worthy and deserving of self care because often women will talk themselves out of doing the thing before they’ve even communicated with someone. And so that is a really big thing that comes from within. So all that. I will leave for another podcast episode.

If you’re interested, please let me know by shooting me a DM or an email. If this podcast was helpful for you, please share it with your friends or leave us a rating or review on wherever you listen to your podcasts. Of course, give us that follow. If you want to make sure you are up to date on all of our different episodes, you can sign up to our email list.

If you sign up for that grounding meditation or any of the other freebies in the show notes, you will be on the email list and you will receive a weekly email for the different podcast episodes as they are released, as well as some other events like our circles and different offerings that we have. So, just to summarize, because I find it helpful to be able to really reflect and integrate and absorb all of that information that we just talked about.

I think we know how important connection and communication is in our conscious relationships, and we want to avoid having those barriers. right? We want to be that rock solid, supportive team that problem sells together, that gets ahead of things before things blow up that we are willing to have those tough conversations to grow together, to evolve together, and so different ways that we can really up our communication game is to remember that We are on the same team to speak with them while we look at them as this highest version of themselves, as that king or queen or royal sovereign.

We want to make sure we are getting ahead of the blow up and incorporating soft starts. Again, coming from that place of a team, coming from that place of wanting to problem solve together and avoiding any, like, attacky, you know, You did this. Why don’t you do this? Situations. As we are in the conversation, we’ve opened things up.

We want to make sure we are providing a roadmap, laying it all out very clearly. Again, bringing it back to that setting the table. Setting the table can mean many different things. Make sure we are fully putting out the expectations. So we are really setting each other up to succeed. Right? That is the whole point in coming together and doing these things.

Now, if conversations, if communication is tricky, feels like there’s a lot of pressure, a lot of emotions, some different things that you can incorporate to ease some of that pressure is make sure you are giving some space. Hold yourself, hold, love your little self that is Freakin out inside while they get some space, or if you are more of that island, make sure you are communicating with your partner why you need that space and that you will come back and be able to revisit that game.

You can also talk while on the go, whether you’re in the car or even better while you are moving, being able to move those emotions through your body while you’re walking or do other, doing other activities can be very, very helpful. And you can use a podcast like this one as a conversation starter to get the ball rolling if you’re feeling self conscious about bringing a particular topic.

So that is everything for today. Thank you so much for listening. If you have any questions, I am here for you. Again, just shoot me a DM or send me an email and I would love to connect with you more.

Until next time, trust yourself and make some magic.