It’s time to take your power back! So much of our lives is wasted putting our partner’s needs at the forefront, while shoving ours aside to maybe occassionaly satisfy, and that’s disempowering af. Perhaps you’re already on your journey of reclamation, or perhaps it’s been more of a thought than an action, either way, you’ll love this episode where I share why your sexuality should be centered around you, not him, and how that creates ripple effects throughout your life.

Listen to the Episode

Why Your Sexuality Should Be Centered Around You, Not Him

  • Centering Sexuality Around Him
    • Orgasm gap
    • Disconnection
    • Sexuality becomes a dark cloud
    • Vaginal issues
  • There’s many facets to this
    • Prioritizing ourselves
    • Being worthy
    • Confident in our bodies
    • Confident using our voice
  • As I always say, the greatest transformation comes through the taboo
    • The impact of this work
  • It’s time to center your sexuality around you
    • How do you feel about sexuality
    • How comfortable to you feel in your own body
    • How connected do you feel to your body
    • Prioritize yourself
  • Effects of centering your sexuality around you
    • Confidence boosts
    • Your libido grows
    • You use your voice
  • Tips to help your journey
    • Weekly date night with yourself
    • Unapologetic Practices Collection
    • Jade Egg
    • Coaching

Show Notes

Why You Need to Date Yourself Episode:—Why-You-Need-to-Date-Yourself-e2fogti/a-aav9t46

Yoni Egg Masterclass Waitlist:

 Honey Pot Meditation: 

Free Sexuality Shadow Work Play Sheets: 

Complimentary Catalyst Call: 

Unapologetic Practices: https://janninemackinnoncom/practices/ 

Connect on Instagram: 


Hello and welcome to the Unapologetic with Janine McKinnon podcast. I’m your host Janine, Manifesting Maven, Lunar Ritualist, Nature Lover, Sex Magic Expert, and Empowering Confidence and Sexuality Coach. If you’d like, you can think of me as your witchy bestie. D, who calls you out on your self-deprecating cycles, while encouraging you to align with your highest self.

And I’m on a mission to help women return to the wisdom of their bodies and embrace their inner power. If you’re a woowoo woman craving more self-love, confidence, fulfillment, and. passion in your life. You are in the right place. The Unapologetic with Janine McKinnon podcast is here to help women like you to thrive as your most radiant and happy self.

Here you can find inspiration and tools taken from my one on one coaching sessions and group experiences to support you. you in your journey. We’ll cover things like societal conditioning, inner child healing, pleasure practices, manifestation techniques, approachable rituals, and all around women’s empowerment.

My goal is to shift your perspective and give you actionable takeaways so you can walk away from these episodes feeling inspired to create a life that ignites your spirit. So thank you so much for being here. I am so grateful that we’re able to connect in this way and I can’t wait to dig into the contents of this episode with you.

Without further ado, let’s get into it.

I don’t know about you, but when I was growing up, when it came to sex and relationships, it was very much centered around him. Not so much me, but how to make him like me. How to make myself attractive for him. And then later sexuality was again, very much about the partner in service of the partner. And the common narrative I see is like, she’s lucky.

You’re lucky if you happen to get off or to have a good experience. It’s so centered around the partner, the male partner. Like, that is so disempowering and that is something we are going to dig into in today’s episode, which is why your sexuality should be centered around you and not him. So let’s dig into it.

When we think about that narrative, I touched on like the orgasm gap. I’m sure you’re familiar, but there is quite a gap between how often men achieve an orgasm in their during their sexual encounters compared to how often women do.

In fact, in one study who saw more than 50, 000 participants, 95 percent of heterosexual men said they usually or always orgasm when sexually intimate.

When on the flip side, only 65 percent of heterosexual women could say the same. So that is a gap of 30%. That is huge. And it really goes all in to this narrative, this commonality around sexuality being centered around the man, around our partners. And this is a very

heterosexual conversation. There are differences depending on those relationship dynamics, but that is the framing for this particular conversation, which is very common amongst the women I work with and the different conversations I’ve been having lately. And

I think this disconnection with the orgasm gap is really reflective of the disconnection we can have with ourselves and with our partners.

And when we are seeing this gap, when we are feeling as if things are centred around him, meaning to please him and his desires and his needs, and we’re kind of left out of it or pressured into things, sexuality can actually become this really, uh, dark cloud that hangs over us. It can have a lot of pressure or something we try to ignore, pretend that it’s just not a part of us anymore, or feel like we really need to do this certain thing or be this certain way when we are just really not feeling that in the moment.

And the more we push ourselves, To please to center things around other people while leaving ourselves behind. The more our body actually shuts down and the more we imprint our nervous systems with this like distaste around sexually intimate moments and the more we do this it really compounds and can be more and more of a challenge to work through and it also shows up in many different matter.

Now, I can’t make any claims, but there are things like vaginismus, frequent UTIs and yeast infections that tend to clear up when women do work within sexual empowerment or working with a Yoni egg and really reconnecting with the body, centering themselves around their sexuality and really learning when their body is that full, yes, And not overriding that and these different things can be cleared up.

I’ve seen it time and time again within different conversations and it’s truly incredible how it really can all come back to this simple thing around centering our sexuality around ourselves and not around men and our partners. I think there’s many facets to this, why this can be a challenge, um, for women.

I think it kind of plays into this good girl narrative. Now, like I said, there’s many different facets. There is definitely like a religious and cultural, pressure that can be around serving our And also there is a greater, people pleasing good girl narrative that yes, can play into kind of those religious pressures and societal pressures, and I, I do think it plays a bigger role.

And so when we’re caught up in this people pleasing and being the good girl and not making waves and not saying the wrong thing and making sure people like us and doing what’s expected of us. We are not prioritizing ourselves. We are stuffing ourselves and our priorities down further and further, further every time we are saying yes and trying to please others and overriding ourselves.

And so that plays over into our relationships, into these sexual encounters. Another piece of that is worthiness. Often, When we play into these roles, into these good girl, people pleasers, accomplisher roles, we get that validation, that love, that sense of worthiness when we please others, when we accomplish things and when other people see the good in us.

Not from seeing it in ourselves and so that plays into this centering sexuality around others because we’re wanting to please them. We want to get validation by them enjoying themselves and so we override ourselves and perhaps we’re not feeling worthy of really being there. The Center of Attention. In that.

And really being the Center of, Receiving in these different sexual encounters.

A couple other things that can pop up, is around Confidence. Confidence in our bodies. And Confidence in using our voice. If we are feeling self conscious about certain things, we are more likely to hold ourselves back and that carries over into using our voice as well if we are not confident in ourselves.

If we are wanting to please others, please our partners, generally there’s that lack of confidence in using our voice and that. isn’t just in those sexual encounters as that good girl, people pleasing, all of that, that is shown in all aspects of our life. And again, it really tends to compound and leave women feeling stressed and exhausted and burnt out and different chronic medical conditions can very much pop up as well.

And so, This isn’t exactly what we’re going for and so again, that is why I want to come back to being a core reason why

Our sexuality should be centered around us. And, you know what, I wouldn’t even say not our partners. And I’ll dig into more of that in just a bit. But first, I 📍 want to, again, reiterate something I say all the time, whether it is on the podcast when I speak to people at networking events or when I have different speaking engagements.

And that is that

the greatest transformation comes through the taboo. And so when we are able to take sexuality within this lens that we are looking at it today, where centering it around us can be really scary and a challenge because we aren’t used to prioritizing ourselves.

We don’t feel worthy. We don’t feel confident in our bodies. We don’t feel confident using our voice and creating those boundaries and standing up for ourselves. So when we are able to look at these things, It’s through the taboo of sexuality, which is quite edgy, quite vulnerable, very deep to be doing this work with ourselves and with a partner.

And so as we move through this, and I do recommend beginning with yourself because it’s a lot easier to learn your likes and dislikes and start to get comfortable in your body and And really feeling empowered in your sexuality. And then you carry over into partnered experiences and begin to be able to use your voice more, begin to feel more comfortable on the receiving end of things.

And when we do all of this and facing the sense of worthiness and confidence and being willing to prioritize ourselves and being the center of attention and receiving, it creates this incredible, um, ripple effect throughout our lives because when we’re able to do that in like I touched on this like a vulnerable, deep shadowy part of ourselves, it’s no big deal to carry it over into these other areas of our life. And when someone off the cuff might ask something of us. Or something like that, it’s way easier to use our voice, to hold ourself in confidence and reply in a way that feels aligned to ourselves, rather than our perhaps usual go to of the people pleasing of quieting our own voice down, because, well, we can do it in this deep dark part, like, It’s so much easier in so many different situations and that’s why I’m so drawn to this work and why I love this work because the ripple effect is so huge when it comes to something as simple as As sexual empowerment, as learning to center our sexuality around ourselves instead of our partners, it’s going to affect how we show up for our families in our relationships.

It shifts those whole dynamics we have within our relationship. It shifts the tone within our house. It’s just how we lead ourselves in our friendships and our businesses and the places we volunteer and so many different things.

So you know, I always like to leave you with a few different tips. So how can we flip this narrative for ourselves? How can we really feel empowered in centering our sexuality around ourselves? Rather than our partners, and you know what this is the opportunity where I will dig into it a little bit more I really don’t believe that it is Centering things around ourselves instead of centering it around our partners It really is as well as because the truth is when we are able to really put that focus on On our female pleasure, on not being entered unless we are fully ready, juicy, waiting, asking for it.

It is a way better, bigger, more connected, more energetic experience for not only you, but your partner as well. And so it’s not like, oh, it’s going to be this extra work for your partner, and they’re not going to see the change, even though, like, you should be getting yours as well. but they will also notice quite the difference in that experience as well.

So I just wanted to note that, that it isn’t necessarily instead of, it’s as well as, and this It’s something that both of you will really reap the benefits in within those sexual encounters as well as the ripple effect that I touched on. So bringing it back to the tips, how can you start incorporating things to build your confidence in using your voice?

And boosting your libido because that’s all a part of this too. When you are feeling more centered around things, when you are feeling more empowered in your sexuality, when you are getting the things that you like and love and are really receiving that pleasure of it, your libido is going to increase.

And that can be a lot of fun. And when you have more orgasms, you tend to want more orgasms and it can just really breathe this beauty within your relationship and have this fun summer exploratory season because it does come in cycles. We’re not always going to be in that fun summer high libido season, but when you are able to tap into it more, It can be a lot of fun to play around with.

And so how can we start this app? As I recommend quite frequently, it can all begin with a simple weekly date night with yourself. When you make that commitment to yourself choosing the same day of the week, every single week, that is the beginning seed planted for prioritizing yourself. And choosing that this is the time that I am saying yes to me, saying yes to my pleasure and what I want and knowing that I am worthy of taking this time for myself.

Now I won’t get too, too into it. I have an entire podcast episode on this that I will link for you in the show notes. that digs into it all. But this is a place where you can begin with things like journaling, meditation, dance, whatever floats your boat, and then bring in some pleasure practices as well.

Whether that is non sexual with really sensually rubbing and some lotion, giving yourself. a face massage, enjoying some decadent, um, chocolate or strawberries or fruit or something like that, or moving into the more sexual side of things, which weaves into my next tip. which is accessing, support for those different types of practices.

I have the unapologetic practices collection, which has had a little bit of a revamp. I will be kind of launching it more soon, but you are welcome to take a peek if you are interested rather than a la carte options. It is actually giving you full access to all of the different recordings for a very low monthly or annual fee.

So that is available and it is a great way of just dropping into yourself, into your body. There’s things like yoni breathing where you really are breathing into your yoni building that connection with those energy centers with the different power that you have there. And another one of my favorites in terms of the more sexual pleasure practices actually weaves so many different things is a awaken your five senses.

And so that’s bringing in things like the delicious tasty chocolate or fruit and weaving in The site sounds, feeling so many different things. And it is very juicy and a great way of again, really building that relationship with yourself. Prioritizing your pleasure, getting to know your body, boosting your confidence, your libido, all of the things before bringing that into your partnered experiences.

Another thing that can really be supportive for this is a yoni egg. So yoni eggs are magical. I am actually in the middle of doing my specialization training on it. So I do have a lot of different things kind of in store as time unfolds. And one really interesting thing for the Yoni egg, um, is the first time I personally used one.

It was like, mm, like, no big deal. I don’t really get why everyone’s into this. And I think that was because there was numbness there from overriding myself for so many years. And it wasn’t through I, it wasn’t until I did a bunch of other pleasure practices and sexual empowerment work and then revisited the Yoni egg that I had built this connection with my body again, it was able to feel so much more sensation and the Yoni egg took things in a completely different way than it did at first.

And so that’s something you can do. through using the Yoni egg, going through that transformation. It just happened to be my experience that I kind of forgot about it a bit. One and did some other work came back to it and was like, Oh, okay, I get it now. Now this is something to build with and work with and play with and really build that sensation.

build that connection within my body and they really are quite magical. I do have some for sale. If you’re interested, feel free to shoot me a DM or an email. And I will have an upcoming masterclass about yoni eggs. I have been having more and more conversations around them just today at eWomen. And again, just the magic that can come from something so simple.

And it is something that can just kind of be inserted while you are meditating or journaling or doing something. Some breath work and then there are the more sexual pleasure practices related to it and

a big part of the yoni egg is that it does not enter unless your yoni says yes and you actually want to be able to turn on your body so much that it can be, the yoni egg can be sucked up within you.

Not pushed and forced right in like so many women are used to with other things being inserted. And so that’s how it really ties into this conversation when you, for the first time, experience how your yoni can just open right up on its own, welcoming things in. It is an incredible experience, really, and it just really changes the game into what things can be like when you, again, center yourself around that sexuality.

So that is an incredible thing to work with. If you’re interested in the Masterclass, Class will be coming up in about a month in June. I will link a waitlist sign up. There will be early bird pricing just for those that are on the waitlist. And that’s how you’ll get all the details as they get ironed out.

So that is in the show notes for you as well. And of course. If this is something that you are quite stuck on or you really see the power in being held and supported through your process, being accountable to another person, knowing that coaching is a way to fast track your process. By having someone really lead the way for you, light that path for you, show you, what works for you in that customized way and what shadows to work with within yourself in that very supported way.

I would love to be that person to light that path for you, to hold you in those things, to be able to go on that journey. deep somatic level to really bring clarity to what’s holding you back, what programs lay within your body that might cause you to tense up or different things like that. And let’s see what’s going on there and update your system into a new, Empowering narrative and feelings.

So if you are interested in that, I will link my complimentary catalyst call where we can chat about where you’re at, what you’re wanting, what you’re desiring to call in, what’s in your way, and how I may be able to help you with that as well. So those are some different options to begin to center yourself around your sexuality and just to kind of summarize, revisit things before we close this off.

It is just, there is so much power in shifting the focus onto yourself. And again, that’s not to take it away from anyone else. It’s to really bring yourself into it to feel empowered through that. And when you are able to do that, it creates this incredible ripple effect because that process Being able to hold yourself in it, to feel empowered, being centered in it and using your voice and being confident in your body and feeling connected with your body because those are two different things.

It truly has that ripple effect throughout your life and feeling confident in the different ways that you show up, feeling connected and present with life around you in your different relationships. And feeling Very self assured in using your voice, in communicating your needs, your desires, your knows, your boundaries, different things like that.

And there are many ways that you can work on this that include starting out with a weekly date night with yourself. Commit to yourself, make yourself a priority that way, and it grows from there. The more you do this work, the more you focus on yourself, the more you connect your yoni and your sexual energy, it grows, it awakens, and it will continue to build in that momentum as you stay focused.

Committed to yourself. I have the unapologetic practices collection to support you In your self led journey if you are interested The jade egg is an incredible tool to help you along the way and of course I love to coach you if you are ready to just Say fuck the way I have been doing things. I’m ready to create A change and really be held accountable and make shit happen You I would love to do that.

And I think that covers everything for now. I hope you enjoyed this conversation. I hope you feel empowered and ready to shift that narrative for yourself and say, fuck yes, I am ready to be the center of my sexuality. If you have any questions, I am always here for you. And I would be so grateful if you are still listening to this episode, soaking it all in, please do hit subscribe, leave a rating or review on wherever you listen to this podcast.

It is very helpful in helping us reach more women just like you who need to hear these messages to be able to really shift things for themselves. Thank you for that. Thank you for listening. And my final words to you, sending with so much love, is for you to trust your inner wisdom and make some magic.