Surrender—what does it truly mean, and how does it impact your intimate experiences? In this episode, we dive into the juicy truth about surrender and its powerful connection to orgasmic bliss. Often misunderstood as weakness or submission, surrender in the context of sexuality is about releasing control, letting go of insecurities, and being fully present in your body and the moment. But surrendering isn’t easy—it requires trust, safety, and the willingness to face vulnerability head-on.

Join me as I unpack how control hinders true pleasure, the importance of cultivating safety and trust, and the role of shadow work in releasing shame and stepping into your sensual power. Discover how surrendering to yourself and your desires can ignite deeper intimacy, amplify your life force energy, and unlock pleasure that expands far beyond the bedroom. If you’re ready to reclaim your radiance and experience intimacy on a whole new level, this episode is for you.

Listen to the Episode

Inside the Episode

  • Surrender: A Misunderstood Concept in Sexuality
  • Why Control Hinders True Pleasure
  • What Surrender Means in Sexuality and Life
  • Surrender and Vulnerability: Two Sides of the Same Coin
  • What True Presence Feels Like in Your Body
  • Cultivating Safety and Trust for Deeper Intimacy
  • From Shame to Sensual Power: The Role of Shadow Work
  • The Juicy Side Effects of Orgasm: Tapping into Life Force Energy
  • Living the Art of Surrender in and Beyond the Bedroom

Links

Transcript

📍 Hello, and welcome back to another Tuesday transmission episode inside the unapologetic with Janine McKinnon podcast. Today I am back after the holiday break, which I was just really feeling into my nesting hibernating. Uh, energy. And once I had gotten through the scheduled posts, I just, I still felt like I needed a little bit more time and taking that pressure off of. Needing to perform, needing to get this content out, needing to work on this and that and the goals and just surrendering into what I needed in the moment too. Not do those things and letting go of that pressure. Just had everything flow through and that inspiration hits almost immediately. And this translates quite well into the topic for today’s episode, which is all about surrender. Surrender is a word I use quite frequently. It’s also where that I hear used both within the sexuality and spirituality rounds in different ways.

And I feel like it is quite misunderstood. In fact, in some recent Instagram posts that I did, I had some great questions coming through, really shined a light on how we can have more in-depth conversations around what surrender is. And I can explain my use of the word surrender in greater ways, because what I feel surrender is isn’t necessarily what others will think of. And when we learn the art. When we learn the art of surrender in the way in which I interpreted. We’re able to really open ourselves up to this expanse of pleasure and this deep, deep connection with ourselves and with our partners. Because there’s a lot of vulnerability that comes with surrender.

And when we are very vulnerable with ourselves and with our partners, That connection deepens to this different level. And of course, The yummy orgasms and pleasure are so much fun as well. So we are going to be digging into the intricacies of all of this, so you can really gain. A good understanding of what the art of surrender is and how you may be able to bring this into your sex life. To experience all of the juiciness. That it can provide.

So

 

 

when it comes to surrender, I feel like often our thoughts go to physically surrendering. To submitting to our partners, allowing them to take on a dominant position. Within the bedroom and yes, that can be part of it. And yes, that is some interpretations of surrender. But my perspective of surrender. Is a lot more nuanced than that and that it goes. Two other layers than just the physicality of it.

It actually has a lot more to do. With where we are at mentally and where we are at with our nervous system and our sense of trust and safety within ourselves. And that might seem a little bit like complicated or a little bit confusing, but bear with me. I will also add that when it comes to surrendering, I find that sometimes people feel like it’s weak to surrender.

Like you’re just going to surrender only weak people surrender. We need to take charge or to do the things or to remain in control. And I’ll add that. Surrendering. Is actually one of the strongest things you can do. Because again, it is. It comes with the fact that you feel so safe within yourself that you’ve trust yourself and your partner so deeply. That you trust yourself to hold the use of sensations and waves of pleasure and whatever may come from it. And that you’re willing to go there to be vulnerable, to let go of control and allow all of these things to flow through. And you can’t do that when you are acting strong and acting in control.

 

 

 

So it really comes with a lot of strength and trust. To be able to surrender because when you’re acting strong and remaining in control, That actually comes from fear. It’s very rooted. In fear. And so it’s actually coming off as strong and in control can be seen as a weakness because it is so rooted in fear.

And so I just want to offer that perspective. And this struggle with surrender and with control is something I see quite regularly with clients in that. There is this need to control. And part of that comes with trying to control that they’re going to orgasm. That they need to push out an orgasm that they need to perform for the partner. And have that orgasm show that they are enjoying the experience. And that the main goal is that orgasm.

And so they need to control and make sure that happens. Now there can also be. This control of the situation. That not necessarily physical control, again, touching to the physicality of surrender. It’s not necessarily that it’s not that they need to control. Their bodies and what their partner is doing. But it’s more so control

within the mental space and those thoughts. Constantly pop up because that’s what it’s like when you’re in the mental space of control, it’s very much within your thoughts and your insecurities and expectations and wishing things were done a certain way or wishing things weren’t done a certain way, worried about how you may look worried about what they may think and this and that and the to-do list and all of these other things.

And so

 

 

when we are trying to maintain. Control. Whether it is

with the performance or the orgasm or the goal. Or with all of the mental things going on in our heads. This is getting in the way of experiencing those expansive waves of pleasure.

And this doesn’t necessarily mean that when you’re struggling with this control and not surrendering. That you’re not experiencing pleasure or orgasms often you absolutely are, but you are stifling yourself and holding yourself back from what is truly available to you. It tends to be these short little bursts.

Poof. It’s gone orgasms and it feels great. In the moment, maybe a little bit afterwards, maybe you’re able to hold on to it for a bit.

And you are missing out. On this way. Of pleasure rolling through your body. Rolling back and forth between your partner. Resonating within yourself. For so much longer after the act. Really nourishing you and feeding your radiance and your fire from within all of this is available through the art of surrender.

So

 

 

 

what does surrender mean? Let’s break this down a little bit more. So Oxford English dictionary defines surrender as to cease resistance to an enemy or opponent. And submit to their authority. So there is something there and ceasing that resistance that I resonate with, but I think it very much goes towards what we think of say in war battle, that sort of thing, where we surrender to the other side and it’s very physical and seen.

And you can understand in that moment what surrender means, but for me there, there’s more to it than that when it comes to sexuality and life. In general. Now project happiness defines surrendering as relinquishing resistance. It is the act of truly letting go and accepting. It actually opens up the potential for positive changes to flow. So I completely agree with this sentiment that relinquishing resistance, truly letting go and accepting. And it absolutely opens up the potential for positive changes to flow. And I think this definition can be a little bit wishy washy. And not as concrete. And I just like to offer a little bit more to what it is. Within the conversations that I have.

So for me, So render. Is relinquishing control. And having full presence. To whatever arises. Because, yes, we can surrender. We can relinquish control. And that also requires this full, full presence. And I think that it can be what’s left out. When we think of physically surrendering to someone. We’re not necessarily thinking about that full mental side.

And so that’s where that idea of submission comes in. Yeah, we can still be totally caught up in our heads. We can still be physically submitting to someone else. And be worried about what we look like, um, what they may be thinking of us that, oh my goodness. We’re not organized. I mean, yeah, we should have orgasm door. I’m getting so close, but like this needs to happen or all these different thoughts that pop in your head.

And so that is getting in the way. I have that expanse of orgasms. And so that’s why I really add in that the art of surrender. Yes. It’s relinquishing control and it’s having full presence. To whatever arises.

 

 

So I’m going to break this down a little bit more to really help give you that full, full understanding. So the first part relinquishing control. That entails. Letting go completely on a mental and nervous system side.

So it’s letting go of your insecurities. It’s letting go of the worry of being too much or not enough. It’s letting go of the worry that you aren’t doing it right. Or that your partner isn’t doing it right. It’s letting go of the shame you have towards particular acts. That’s a big one. I see. Come up for clients is the shame or embarrassment that can come up. With certain positions or toys or different things, even eye contact. I can have a lot of shame and fear tied to it.

So it’s letting go of all of that. And it’s letting go of the expectations. That you have that things should be. A certain way that the experience is going to be a certain way that you are going to have orgasms. In a certain way. That relinquishing control is letting go of all of it. The mental shit. That is holding us back.

Now, tying in that full presence, it means being fully. In the moment. Not in your thoughts. Not in your insecurities, not in the to-do list. But feeling that deep connection with your partner.

 

 

Feeling the sensations that are coursing through your body, feeling the heat. The pulsations, the rise and the fall, the waves of pleasure. Ever expanding ring.

So tuned into what is going on in your body. And within your energy. And that connection with yourself and your partner. And sure this might sound wonderful and so amazing to be so tuned into all of those different pulsations and heat and energy and all of the sexy things. And to let go of any baggage and expectations of me.

So in the moment. Can also be one of the scariest things to do because it’s extremely vulnerable to be so open with another person be. So in the moment of doing those things, that once held so much shame, Yeah, I feel so much pleasure and deep connection in that moment. It’s so vulnerable and so scary. And so that’s why this really is an art. It is a process.

And so to experience this deep vulnerability. Through surrender and all of the juiciness and pleasure that comes through it, it really does require this deep sense of trust and safety. And you can have all the tips and tricks to be present, to meditate and tune into your sensations, but that’s not going to do shit.

If you don’t feel safe in your body. If you can’t trust herself to feel all of your emotions and sensations. You’re not going to be able to fully surrender. Cause you’re going to be scared, right? Because we have been trained to avoid our emotions and sensations. We’ve been trained to bypass and push through and get things done and ignore our body signals and just be productive members of society.

And so really feeling. Our own emotions and sensations can be quite scary to some.

It can freak you the fuck out to actually let go of control and fully feel what’s going on in your body.

To really feel the discomfort that comes up with vulnerability to feel shame. Allow it to pass through and then feel pleasure through the other side like that. Is amazing. And you can have these amazing shame orgasms. And it’s a process. It can be scary as fuck to move through and really allow yourself to feel all that shame and disgust that you have for yourself. And through opening up your capacity to feel. These more negative emotions and learn to accept them and move through them.

You open up your capacity. To feel more waves of orgasmic pleasure.

 

 

 

And likewise. Just the act of really. Leaning into the power of the wild woman who has that orgasmic energy coursing through your body. Like that’s super fucking intimidating. At the beginning. To let yourself go so much. There can be a lot of worry of what your partner is gonna think because our society is also trained that, that wild woman.

So in herself, So pleasured and owning it and in her power. Can be seen as scary. It can be seen as something we need to squash down. And so moving through that within yourself and then being witnessed in that with your partner again, there’s a deep, deep vulnerability. And that deep connection comes through vulnerability through sharing that experience through being witnessed in it.

And in having that mutual pleasure, rise and rise through these experiences. Has, ah, just so much intertangled deliciousness both on the pleasure side and that deep, deep connection side.

And so as juicy as it may sound to move through all of this, it can also seem like a tall order to. Let go of all of our baggage or insecurities or shame because. Shadow work. I’m all about the shadow work for these reasons. It’s so impactful, but like, fuck, it’s a lot of things to move through. And work through and that’s exactly why I do the work that I do.

It’s exactly why I incorporate so much inner child healing and shadow work and semantics. In my programs and coaching. Because not only can we have these learned experiences that cement. In securities and cement, our fight or flight or freeze mode within our nervous systems, because we’ve been judged in a certain way before.

And moving through and unlocking these and understanding then accepting and loving these parts. Builds so much trust in ourselves and again, opens up our capacity. To feel more of the juiciness of life and that this human experience has to offer us. And in my coming program, ignite. We move through this.

We move through the inner child healing. We move through the shadow work and we incorporate. Some of the tips and tricks for moving or sexual energy through things like focus and breath, sound and movement. We learned to train ourselves, to be fully present and build trust, to be able to feel safe in our bodies.

I’m so excited for this program. So if you are interested, And having the tools to amplify your sexual energy, to move through that mental side, that nervous system, subconscious side of things too. It’s chief, those more expansive, juicy, orgasms, and sexual experiences. Please join us on the wait list where I will be releasing all of the program details.

The links will be in the description for that. But going back to this art of surrender.

 

 

When you’re able to work through these different areas of shadow work, as I like to call it. Not only do you experience some pretty fantastic pleasure, but as I’ve touched on. Your connection deepens to these new levels. It really brings you to that. Intimate bonded experience with your partner that unfortunately so many couples do not maintain and it really makes you unshakeable. As a couple, when you’re able to face your shadows and do that with someone else, with your person. When they’re able to witness you in your power. You gain so much confidence that translates inside and outside the bedroom, because when you’re able to move through these things together, also have this amazing pleasure reinforcing how good doing these vulnerable things are. You become so confident in radiant and other areas of your life. Not to mention all the hormones coursing through your body as you’re having these pleasurable experiences, the oxytocin, this era, Tonin the dopamine. All of these different things. It really affects your body chemistry.

You tap into that life force energy become energetic, creative, confident, radiant. In so many different areas of your life.

 

And at its core, it really comes down to

 

 

the art of surrender to be able to have all of these things. And again, it’s not just physically submitting to your partner. It’s surrendering into yourself. It’s letting go of holding onto control and thinking this and that it’s allowing yourself to be fully present in the moment. Present. And feeling that connection with your partner and allowing the connection and orgasmic energy to flow from there without expectation or pressure. Or end goals. And that’s how you become a sexually empowered woman. Through the art. Of surrender.

 

 

And so I hope this podcast has helped. Clarify. Some things for you around surrender, especially within the context that I use it, that it’s, again, more than the physical side. It’s a really the mental side within yourself.

Relinquishing control. And dialing in such beautiful focused presence. That you’re able to tap into this new level, this new realm. And as you follow. This journey of sacred sexuality. That’s where you can really begin to access. Altered. States of consciousness is where you can feel this energy flowing through all different parts of your body shooting out of your head out your breasts.

And I can get into the way. Spiritual side of things. And simplistically. You just feel so fucking good. And feel extremely confident and radiant and all different areas of your life, because when you’re experiencing this, like how can you not be. A happier. More feminine, flowy woman. How can you not have this beautiful presence about you?

It’s just how it is. And so it has just such this extreme range of how it impacts your life. And through doing something that is like super fun and juicy. And although it can be scary and vulnerable working through the shadow work, that’s why I like to hold your hand through it. Whether that’s through coaching or programs or the unapologetic practices membership.

It is so powerful to do this work.

It affects your life in so many ways. And you experience some incredible pleasure out of it as well. So again, I will just mention that ignite program. I would love to have you join us. We begin in February. It’s just an incredible eight week journey that I will be taking you through. Moving you through those shadows thous depths. Facing these different experiences that you have taken on in these beliefs throughout your life? Releasing that finding those empowered pieces within you to feel safe as that sexually empowered woman, and then have those tools to move that orgasmic energy through you, to really be able to nourish yourself through your pleasure show up as that radiant woman. And so the link to the waitlist is in the description again.

That’s how you get the details. That’s how you get the early bird pricing. I really encourage you to get on that. Wait list. If you’re wanting information specifically about ignite. As always I’m here. If you have any questions at all. And I just love you so much. And I encourage you to just play with surrender in whatever way feels good for you and begin to experience more and more juiciness in your sex life. Until next time have a juicy. Pleasurable week.