Way too many women hate looking at pictures of themselves, making self portraiture, and even boudoir photography, an incredible portal for transformation. Misty Moss, Boudoir Photographer, Self Portrait Artist, and Burlesuqe Performer, along with your host, Jannine MacKinnon, Sex, Love, and Relationship Coach, share about their journeys in transforming through the taboo, and the power of being witnessed and celebrated while working through your insecurities in front of the lense. If you desire to feel more confident in your body and in who you are, this is the episode for you.

Tune Into The Episode

In This Episode

  • Shadow Work Baby: Learning to Make Friends With Your Demons
  • Healing Negative Body Image Through Self Portraiture and Boudoir Photography
  • History of Renaissance Paintings and Boudoir: Reclaiming Nude Art For The Female Gaze and Empowerment
  • The Importance Of Feeling Into Your Body and Creating Space For Big Feelings
  • A New Perspective on Self Portraiture
  • Taking Time To Connect With The Love and Pleasure Of Your Body

More About Misty Moss

Misty Moss is a boudoir photographer, self portrait artist, and burlesque performer in Victoria, Canada. Specializing in helping her clients and community see themselves as powerful works of art since 2016, she has honed in on helping others experience their own body celebration story after discovering the transformative (and frankly mildly addicting) powers of empowerment, embodiment, and self love that these art forms offer. Her motto is “my art heals my clients, and my clients heal me” – truly honouring the mutual energy exchange and transformative powers that boudoir photography holds.

Show Notes

Transcript

Hello and welcome back to Unapologetic with Janine McKinnon podcast. Today we are here for another Unapologetic Stories episode, sharing the different messages and stories and journeys of different women on their path of embracing their unapologetic authenticity. And today I am so excited to be joined by Misty Moss, boudoir photographer, self portrait artist, and burlesque performer in Victoria, BC.

Welcome Misty. Hi, thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited to be here. Yay, thank you so much for coming. I’m, yeah, I’m really excited. We’ve been in each other’s spheres for, I think, around since 2016 when you first got started in this. That’s so wild. Yeah, it’s been like eight years. Yeah, which is wild when you put that number on it, and it’s nice to see you, like, starting out, we got to do an event together, which was a lot of fun, I got to, like, taste a bit of your photography then, and then kind of come full circle, we’ve come back, and I got to be one of your muses in a group shoot recently, which was just so cool.

And I just love everything you’re doing. I’m like, I need to have you on. We got to talk about all things empowerment and bodies and putting it all out there. I love it

so much. Yeah, it’s been so much fun. Like also watching your journey cause you came to the Mew shoot and you were like, it’s been eight years.

And I was like, Oh, My goodness, how does time fly? But then also seeing like the incredible work that you’re now doing through this podcast and bringing just like women together and sharing their stories And I just love everything you’re doing. It’s amazing

Thank you. I feel so aligned like we do very different things, but it’s very complementary and just helping really Helping women and for beings and all different people really just come home to their bodies and feel Celebrated and feel good to be fully seen Yeah, I feel like different modalities, but same transformation, you know, absolutely.

So what got you into all this work to choose boudoir photography and then also the burlesque side of things? So what drove you to get into it? Yeah,

well, my origin story is like, they kind of both happened at the same time. They were very like, intertwined. It was very kismet. I’ve always done photography.

Um, ever since I was like a little kid, I’ve always had a camera. I’ve always been photographing people too. Like I’ve always been drawn to just documenting people in their journey. Um, I remember like being in high school and like stealing my friends into the theater and like making them do like little portrait sessions with me and like, um, just really just like, Really just drawn to people, um, which is very strange for my little introverted self.

And then I started doing burlesque in 2015 and I actually started like photographing performers, um, and people who take the stage. And then I started photographing friends. And then I started doing burlesque and moving my body and celebrating my body. Um, and just being really present in my body and like allowing myself to like take up space and be seen.

Um, and then I really had like this big inner shift of like, this feels so good. And my whole life changed and I became so much more confident and empowered and was like, I can like use photography to help other people feel the way that I feel on stage. Um, so that’s kind of how my business started in boudoir.

So the two kind of like birthed each other, you know,

I love that because they are so complimentary and it’s so powerful to just be able to move your body and come back home to your body. I find that itself unlocks all of these different things and can even get our creative juices flowing even more because that’s so tied with our sacral chakra, with our sexuality, with performing and dancing and getting that creativity going and I love how you really felt that power.

And wanted to be able to transfer that through photography because we don’t necessarily need to be performing and dancing on stage, which can be like a big leap for some, and you can kind of start with those baby steps with the boudoir photography. Totally. And I have

converted a lot of my clients. I bet.

Uberlask performers, which is my favorite pipeline where they come to me for a shoot and they’re so nervous and they couldn’t imagine even doing a boudoir shoot. And like two years later, they’re like shaking their titties on stage for strangers and it’s just really fun to see like the progression of somebody feeling so unsure in their body, but then being given the space to kind of like step into this new version of themselves and then they’re just like unstoppable.

It’s really cool to watch.

Oh, it’s so cool. I love that because I can see you just being so nervous to even get in Front of the camera with like one other person going on stage.

And then just like getting all of that adrenaline from how it feels to just be seen. Yeah. It’s so cool.

Yeah, and that really goes to speak about that transformative power of just being able to take up space and having the space where you’re held in being able to do that, to really create that safety around that, and then begin to take those next steps.

So I’d love it if you just wanted to speak on that specifically a little bit more.

Yeah, um, yeah, there’s so much transformation and just like. Being seen and allowing yourself to be seen. Cause I think we, we tend to shy away from like the things that we don’t like. Um, and we don’t look at them and we don’t give them like our thoughts or they hold a lot of power over us because they seem really scary.

Um, but then the more we like, don’t observe something or allow it to like, scare us, the more power it has over us. Like when I think about this, I kind of think about like our body image issues that we all have, like when we don’t. We don’t want to look at pictures of ourselves because we’re not, we’re scared of how we’re going to look.

We’re scared that we’re going to notice, like, our flaws first. Um, and so by not looking at our photos, we actually give it way more power over us because we’re scared of the result. But the only way to kind of come out the other side of it is to look at photos of ourselves, or to see ourselves. Or to just, like, allow ourselves to be seen.

Um, because just by observing, like, self, which I do a lot because I do, I do self portraits as well. Self portraits are like a really big part of my healing practice. Um, which started from boudoir, so boudoir burlesque selfies. I’m always leaning into, like, the scary squidgy parts of, like, being seen. Um, but by doing that, All those parts become way less scary because we get so used to them.

And then once we get used to those things, we can kind of transmute it into our superpower. And like, we don’t allow those things to scare us anymore. Um, and by overcoming those fears, it gives us this like, sense of like, profound empowerment. To be like, I can do it then. Like, I can just stand here the way I am.

Do anything I want to do, um, because you’ve made peace with all of those things that used to scare you about yourself.

Yes. Shadow work, baby.

Why does it always come back to shadow work?

Those. Dark places that we want to avoid and not pay attention to, and we’re too scared to look at, and that we hide from other people because we’re scared of judgment, and that’s what has the biggest potential for transformation, and it’s like, and that’s why I love saying, and I say it all the time, I’m like a broken record, but the greatest transformation comes through the taboo.

When you’re able to face those deep dark parts of you that you might have so much shame and embarrassment and even disgust around and like really get up close and personal with it and through the journey like it doesn’t happen right away but be able to like understand it then accept it and then love it and embrace it like that’s how you become unshakable.

Yeah, someone can, like, say something that before would totally crumble you and make you fall apart and go through that negative thought spiral and all the things. But once you get up close and personal with it in that way, it’s like, yeah, so what? And I’m gonna let my

freaks like that. Yeah, there’s this song that I love to listen to and the lyrics are like, I’m not scared of my demons because I’m friends with them.

And I feel that all the time. I’m like, I’m not scared of them. They’re my pals. Like I’ve sat with them long enough. I’ll find it later. I don’t remember. It’s on this playlist. I have, it’s called like higher self playlist. It’s a bunch of juicy, delicious songs. Um, but yeah, I, whenever I think about that, I’m like, you know what?

No, I’ve sat with this stuff. I’ve worked through it. I’ve observed it and I’m not scared of it anymore. And like, now we’re, now we’re unshakable. Yes. Un fuck with able.

Un fuck with able. My demons are my friend. I love that. You sound very much like me, where I just play certain playlists. I’m like, I have no idea what the actual song is.

Who does it, what it’s called, I have no idea. I can find a playlist for you, but the song name, don’t ask. Yeah. That’s okay. We’ll get to it, because I want to listen to that. Yeah, I’ll send it to you after. It’s really good. Okay, awesome. We’ll include it in the show notes too, if you’re okay with sharing that.

Yeah. Awesome. And so I’m curious if you’re open to sharing, like getting a little uncomfortable, what was some of your biggest demons to face and become friends with? Oh my God. Oh, going deep for

it. Let’s go.

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📍 📍 📍 📍 Um, well, I always say like, we get drawn to whatever line of work. We do because we need to heal that in ourselves.

And like, especially as like a boudoir photographer, I help other people with their body image issues because I grew up with so much body image issues. Um, and so it’s, it stems from a place of like, I needed to heal that within myself. Um, and so now I love helping other people heal it in themselves. So I think my biggest, like, yeah, my biggest demons were probably just all of those inherited, like squidgy learned beliefs about like, bodies and like my body image and how it affects my self esteem and my confidence and how I move in the world.

Um, so yeah, working through all of that was probably the, that was the shadow work that my demons were like, Hey, You gotta, you gotta hang out with us. We got, we got work to do.

Yeah, and the work is like a forever ongoing and get to like keep peeling back these layers and to be able to do that with others and walk them through it.

Yeah, we’ve been there. So you’re really able to help them through that too.

Yeah, and it’s so nonlinear too. Like often people will be like, well, you’re so confident. You’ve worked through all of your body image issues. Like you can do selfies and boudoir photos all the time and it’s like, no dude. I also have bad days.

 

 

 

We all have bad days where those like that inner critic and all of those learned beliefs like like to kind of pop up and remind you that like, Hey, we’re still here. Surprise. There’s always more work to do. But you just get a bigger toolkit to work through it. And when those feelings come up, I feel like I’m just more prepared and capable to dismantle them with my toolkit, you know,

Absolutely.

Like we get to pick up all of these tools along the way. And so when they inevitably come up, because it’s not like we’re just done working with them, they do keep coming up, but we’re better prepared and can pull those different tools up.

 

 

And yeah, I feel like on our journey, like there’s all these different levels and like our group shoot, like I was surprised, kind of surprised, not completely surprised to be honest, but like, I felt so comfortable with it and I was excited for it and not nervous.

I was. But then when it came to like posting a photo, which I was kind of looking forward to, but like that was another level and I’m like, Ooh, like, okay, like, am I going to put this out there? And then like, what levels my comfort level? So I started with like more of a group one where you like can’t fully see and I didn’t feel like the center of attention and it was like working through that and okay, that’s going on.

Face. book and like the family in the world’s going to see it and like, I don’t know how that’s going to go. But having those tools again and working through it and putting it out there. And it felt so empowering to see the support and the love around that and how the community of women are really able to come together and to support each other and celebrate, celebrating our bodies and putting ourselves out there like that.

I love that so

much. I love that so much. Also, there’s like, um, as a leader in our industries or like leaders in the healing that we’re doing, um, something I stuck in my head forever. It was like a little bit of advice I received, which is like, you go first, like in order to be able to help people on their journeys, like we have to go first.

So we have to work through the squidge. We have to post the photos on Facebook and sit in the squidge and feel uncomfortable because that’s going to inspire others to do that. And we have no idea. The work that we do and how we show up and how we take those moments of vulnerability and show up in online spaces.

We don’t know the ripple effect that’s having. The amount of times people have come up to me and be like, Oh, I read something you posted or like a selfie you took. Um, that really resonated with me and helped me shift like the way that I think about my body. So whenever I’m like feeling that block of like, I can’t post this, this feels too squidgy, this feels too personal, it feels too vulnerable.

I’m like, I’m not doing it for me. I’m doing it for the people that I don’t even know who need to hear this right now, you know?

Mm hmm. Oh, I feel so warm just listening to you say that. It’s so true. It’s about that servitude for others. And I think about that every time I sit down before recording podcasts or doing content or all these different pieces.

It’s really about putting that message out there, whatever it is. It’s like raising the vibration of the collective one conversation at a time towards our highest truth and greatest good. And it really is that ripple effect and how we show up, how it affects others and how they show up. And it just keeps going on and we can never really know the full power of that.

There’s so much

power in like community, collective healing, you know, like coming together, sharing our stories, just showing up and putting it out there so that other people can hear and take it back into their own worlds. Like, Gives me

goosebumps. That’s what I really liked about our group shoot too.

Like I found it was really nice for me, like dipping the toes in the water that way to be able to have that collective energy compared to you, like the solo energy, it was just really nice to be able to do that. Be around other women with their bit of nerves and also excited to do it. And we all have different bodies.

We’re all in different spaces of our journey and to just really be able to come together in that and have that sense of sisterhood, which I think so many of us have all different sorts of sister wounds as well. I know for me, like a lot of backstabbing and holding myself back from shining worried about, About what others would think.

So being able to do a group shoot like this, where we’re all fully bearing it all quite literally, and being able to celebrate in each other, celebrate each other. And that was really transformative in itself in that way.

Yeah. There’s so much power in group shoots and they’re just like, they’re so fun.

They just feel like there’s this like this sense of like effervescence in them where it’s like we’re all giggly together and it’s like you’re sharing in the nerves together and there’s just something so special about that whereas like Obviously a solo boudoir session is also really special, very powerful and very healing, um, and goes like really deep as well.

Um, but there’s just something just so playful and like yeah that community healing like we’re in this together We’ve all decided that we have wounds that we need to work on and we’re all here to show up for ourselves And there’s beauty in being like, oh i’m gonna help support you through that too and like we can share our energy together Um, and then you get to make cool art with other cool people and it’s just I love it

Yeah, it was so much fun.

And like what you said was so true, it’s like you don’t know each other’s names now, but you’re gonna be like cuddling up to each other naked and it’s gonna be totally fun and normal. It’s all good.

Exactly. I always say the first two poses are the weirdest when you’re doing any kind of shoot and then you’re like, wait, why does this feel so normal?

Right?

Yeah. It’s

still

normal.

It’s amazing how quickly just like all those nerves dissipate and you’re like, wait, this is great. Why was I so scared?

Yeah, let’s do more of this. Yes. Yeah. And so speaking to like the artistry of it, because that’s the one thing that really drew me into your work is it really feels like this work of art and celebrating the body in that way.

Like everyone has their own different flavors to it, but I’m wondering what really drew you into that renaissance style of it all. Ooh, my God. I could talk about

the Renaissance for hours. All real.

Um, I’ve always been really inspired by just like the great painters ever since I was like a kid. Um, and so when I started doing a boudoir, I actually kind of started and my work didn’t look like this at all. Um, it’s really evolved over the years. And I have like put myself into this box of like what I thought boudoir was supposed to be.

Um, And it worked and it was fine, but it never really resonated with me quite as well as I knew it couldn’t, didn’t really like, I wasn’t creating the art that I knew I could make in the world. And so I kind of, I worked backwards and I got really investigative and I was like, what am I really passionate about?

And what am I drawn to? And my lifelong interest in the Renaissance came out and kind of poked it and I prodded it with some curiosity. I was like, okay, what is this telling me? Um, and I think it was just like, you really want to pose people in a way that just feels. And like really just like natural and like there’s just such a beauty about bodies like bodies are just so beautiful.

They are literally works of art and I just nerd out about it all the time. Um, but that I was really drawn to the simplicity of it. Like you see all these beautiful renaissance paintings and it’s just like a woman draped on a couch and she’s just, just one little. Piece of fabric and it just feels so like natural.

Like you can really see yourself just lounging, eating bon bonds on the couch in that pose. Um, so I started incorporating that more into my shoots and to my like photography and I ended up just like, I have a client closet and I have spent lots of money on it, but I end up almost always shooting my clients naked or with just fabric and drapery because that’s what I’m so drawn to.

And that’s what my clients end up being really drawn to as well. Um, and I just think it’s really. incredible to just photograph bodies in a way that’s not like overly posed and instead really relies more on emotion and simplicity. Um, and their connection to themselves as well really shines through when you kind of strip all that away and you strip away like the complex modern boudoir poses and instead allow people to kind of just like really melt into themselves and just incorporate.

Good light with a, with a model and a client, um, and just embodiment. Like, I just love that. It’s just the perfect recipe.

Delicious. I love it. And it really does feel like. fully embodied in this different way. It’s not like the forced pose, um, or all the different closet and like all these things can be fun to play with, but it really feels like fully embodied and just being you, being comfortable in you because that’s that melting, right?

You can’t be comfortable in melting. Like you’re stiff if you’re uncomfortable. And I can like hear you from our shoot, just being like, And exhale. And breathe. And just melt. And like, even just doing that for each shot, like, brings you more and more in your body, and just owning it and burying it all with that.

Little drapes of fabric, which in itself like has its own twirly skirt kind of vibe. Like it has that like feel just from the draped fabric to be able to melt and have flow and really let yourself shine in that feminine flow. Totally.

And

 

 

we all like, we know what Renaissance paintings look like. We’ve all kind of seen them in museums or on the internet.

And it’s so cool to be able to just allow people to feel like they’re part of that, you know? Like they’re not, it’s not some like. mysterious muse woman who got painted. It’s everyday people. It’s us and to be able to kind of like just document my clients like that and be like, Hey, you’re also a work of art.

Like, yeah, sure. That painting’s in the Louvre, but like you could be to like, you’re just as worthy of being seen as art. Um, I just, yeah, I can never doubt about it forever.

Absolutely. It’s like this reclamation. Totally. Yeah, like we’ve seen these paintings and they seem like from a time so far away in a lot of ways and Almost like fairy tale ish like it’s like these other beings and these paintings, but it’s being able to bring that home

 

 

I’m curious your thoughts because I feel like you love the nerding outside of it What do you think about how like?

Celebrating bodies in this way was so popular for Renaissance times. And then it’s kind of faded away. Like, I haven’t really seen anything like that until coming across your art.

Yeah. I mean, it’s, I think it’s still there. It’s really changed over time. The way that we celebrate and document bodies. I feel like growing up, especially like our age, we grew up seeing bodies like hair and chic was like the thing when I was a kid, you know, like we’re used to like supermodels who were just like, that was the epitome of like what the ideal of beauty was.

Um, and I love how we’re entering into this new era of like everything, like everybody is the ideal body. Like there’s this reclamation of like, it doesn’t matter your shape or your size. You’re really worthy of being seen. Um, I like to nerd out with other boudoir photographers about the legacy of our art, because I think it’s not something people really stop to consider.

The nude genre is, like, considered by some art historians to be the most important in Western art, and I just think that is so important. profound and so cool. Um, and it’s easy to kind of forget that, like, we’re a part of that, like actively boudoir photographers are a part of that legacy or a part of that history.

And we’re contributing to like a new reclamation of the people that are seen in art. Um, and so I think it’s like, My like almost like my obligation and like I was chosen to do this in this lifetime to just like document as many bodies as I can and help them see themselves as art to contribute to this new legacy of like body positive art and like anybody can be seen as an artist.

A masterpiece, you know, um, especially from the female gaze. Cause when you think of art historically, we think about nude art, we talk about the Renaissance and it seems like, yeah, everybody was like celebrated and naked and it was awesome. But most of those paintings are painted by men and most of those paintings are actually religious and it’s actually supposed to be like this profound representation of bodies.

It’s not actually a body celebration. It meant something entirely different back then. And the first nude painting to be painted by a woman wasn’t painted until the 1600s. I think 1613 is when the first nude by a woman was painted. And so we’re in this new era of boudoir photography where we’re creating, like

 

 

we’re kind of closing this like gaze gap of what paintings were painted from the male gaze before.

And now we get to shoot. From the female gaze and document our clients in this way that like, isn’t just for the male gaze, it’s not just for the church, it’s not just for whatever the purpose was of all those male artists before, it’s now it’s just for us. It’s just for our client, and we get to celebrate their body story and center that in the art instead of, you know.

Everything that it was before so that that’s what I like to nerd out on

I feel like again It really comes to that embodiment Where through the male gaze perspective like it’s very purposeful. It’s for the male gaze. It’s for the church It’s for this reason where this is really the sense of just being Yeah, being allowed to just be, to take up space and to be celebrated simply for just that.

Yeah. Very powerful.

 

 

Yeah. I

love

it.

It’s so powerful. Yeah. I like, I love, still, I love all those paintings and I’ve gone to the, like the Uffizi in Florence, which has a lot of those Renaissance paintings and it’s beautiful watching like Venus painted lounging on a couch, but then I feel like it’s so beautiful to take that and then use That is inspiration to capture my clients from their own perspective and how they want to be documented.

Um, because I feel like when you were painted before, you’re just like lounging in a studio and I don’t really think that they centered that person’s story that much or how they wanted to be painted. It was just how they The painter wanted them to be perceived, but now we need to ask, how do you want to be seen?

How do you want to feel and how do you want to show up in your own photographs?

Yes. Before, just so much about like that perception, putting that perception on it again rather than the just being in it. And I love, I saw one of your posts, I think just today, where it’s like the different add ons is such a fun flavor of like, how do you want to be seen?

Do you want some like ropes with shibari or some honey or like all of these different flavors that you’re able to put into it? I also like to ask people like, how do you want

to feel? Cause like, yeah, sure. How do you want to be seen? But how do you want to feel? How do you want to feel in the photos?

Because I feel like how you want to feel is So much more poignant and like it will translate so much more in the images because then you’ll see it, obviously. But then you’ll get to feel it on a such a deeper level and yeah, when I ask people that question that really helps me be like, oh, I get it now.

Like I understand how to like photograph you because I can understand that feeling.

Yeah, yeah, it really comes back down to that essence. And I’ve conver similar conversations with my clients and talking about their desires and their goals, and often it just kind of is the world we live in. It starts out with what could somewhat be superficial, or it could be like same with relationship, not necessarily stuff, but it’s like, Achieving or getting something or being a certain way and it’s okay.

How do you feel when you’re like that? How does that affect your life? How do you feel as a woman that has these things or that lives her life in that way? And it’s that way to really come back home to yourself and how you want to elevate yourself. I love that so much. Yeah. So much power in being in the body and feeling and letting it

flow.

When your therapist tells you to feel your feelings, it’s annoying how accurate she is. Totally.

And that’s one thing I see a lot is depending on the client like it can be scary as fuck to Feel your feelings to even feel your body because we can be so caught up in our heads Repressing our feelings because we just got to like push through or avoid and like do the things we need to do that when we Have that moment or encouragement or that space to actually feel the feelings It’s scary and we don’t Trust ourselves right away a lot of the time and it’s a process.

What have you found with your clients moving through that?

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📍 📍 📍 📍 Yeah. I mean, that’s, that’s so hard. There’s so many layers to that, especially as, um, people who were born female or socialized as women. Um, like there’s a, we also sometimes just don’t feel safe in our bodies. So we might have had like a traumatic experience in our bodies.

So like getting connected back again to our bodies, There’s so many layers, like not only does it feel uncomfortable, but it’s scary and it’s unsafe. So then we have to work through those layers. Um, so when I’m shooting with my clients, like my process is really, you know, I don’t want to say it’s slow, but it’s really tender.

It’s really intentional. Um, there’s a lot of times and spaces for like check ins to make sure people are feeling okay. And if things start to feel like too much at any point, like, they get to tell me that it’s too much. Um, so I, I, I make space for big feelings. I always say like, all your feelings are welcome here.

Like, emotions are so welcome. We got tissues. We’re ready to go. For all the big feelings. But I think the biggest thing is just letting people know that it’s okay to have feelings and that it’s okay to, like, voice them. And if anything starts coming up, like, we move at your own pace, so we don’t have to go faster than what feels safe for you in this moment.

Yeah, just having that space and that tenderness. I love that distinction to between the slowness and the tenderness because there really is that sense of being held and supported through it at whatever pace feels right and having that sort of space really cultivates that sense of safety. So you can kind of Melt into it.

Exactly.

And then some people come to me and they don’t want like this big transformational wooey kind of ooey gooey experience. And that’s also totally fine. So I like to kind of ask people like before we do a shoot, like what do you want out of it? Like, what’s your intention? And then that helps me really guide people a lot more.

Absolutely, like, all experiences and desires are totally valid, and that’s, they’re all something to be celebrated. What do you find are kind of like, the top, like, three ish intentions for doing a

Melting Boudoir shoot? I got one, I got my top one, um, and that’s people just doing it for themselves. I think I’ve gotten really good at magnetizing my like soulmate clients to me.

And so I usually get a lot of clients who are like just doing it for them. They’ve been through a lot. Um, or they’re just like reclaiming the relationship with themselves. So. It’s the biggest one I get. I don’t get a lot of people being like, I’m doing this for my partner. Um, or if they are doing it for their partner, it’s like the excuse that they need it and they’re actually really doing it for themselves.

It’s just like, they haven’t really realized it yet. And then at the end of the shoot, they’re like, Oh, I actually did that for me.

So that’s, that’s probably the biggest one is just people wanting to, yeah, come home to their body and like, feel like. Like their favorite self.

I love that too. The favorite self rather than the highest. Yeah. Like the best

self. Like it takes all the pressure off. Cause like some days I wake up and I don’t, I’m not my highest self.

I’m a goblin. Like I’m in sweat pants and I feel sad, but how would I show up if I wanted to be my favorite self in my goblin version?

And again, it brings that tenderness into it, being like, okay, it’s okay to be my goblin version. But what’s my favorite self version of being this? And it’s probably not being hard on you and getting mad at yourself for feeling like you just want to be a goblin in your sweatpants and be like, okay, I see you, like, let’s have some tenderness.

You can just be, let’s like pamper you a little bit. And then we know these other favorite self versions will come too. Exactly.

Yeah. I didn’t mean to say the word tender before, but I feel like it’s so accurate to everything that we’re talking about today. Like it’s just that beautiful sense of like self tenderness.

Yeah. It really seems to carry through and all of those different ways. And it seems, I really like how you bring selfie. into that as well with your like stop dropping selfie and your Facebook groups and how it doesn’t necessarily Need to be these big transformative boudoir Photos that we’re taking but there can be a lot of power in the selfies as well Do you want to share a little bit more about that?

Yeah, totally

So that’s my like subconscious sneaky way of kind of teaching people that they can be seen Because there is, like we were talking about earlier, there’s so much power in allowing yourself to be observed. Um, and also just allowing that, like, you are worthy of being documented. You don’t have to be, like, a glammed up version of yourself.

Like, you are perfectly valid and worthy the way you are to just be seen. Um, so in my Facebook group, my little community, I do this. Stop dropping selfie. I try to do it every week to just allow people to be like, Hey, wait a second. Let me take a pic of like how I’m living my life. Um, because on we’re old and wrinkly, we’re going to look back on these Beautiful journeys we’ve lived through life and a lot of us are just so scared of being in front of the camera Because of all of those inherited biases we have that like, oh, I don’t look good enough Um to be photographed today and then just retraining your brains to say that no Like you are worthy so that when you are holding all of these pictures, you can look back on this story, like your own story through life.

Yeah, it’s like that repetition and that titration a little bit of just fully, or allowing yourself to be fully seen little bit by little bit by little bit. And one thing that came through as you were talking about it is it’s, Interesting how the inherited beliefs and our perception of how we see ourselves changes over time, because there’s quite often, I remember when I was younger, say early twenties, I would look at a photo and be like, Oh, like I don’t like this.

Don’t like that. Uh, like self critiquing coming through. And then later, like five years later, it’s like, Oh, I look so good. Why was I thinking those things? So it’s a really great reminder to just like get. Because as we go through life, it is this beautiful gift we can give ourselves to look back on this journey and allowing ourselves to be seen and have those photos taken.

Totally. So I think something that surprises people about their boudoir session is it’s not actually the session itself that’s the hardest. It’s looking at the pictures that they find the hardest and people don’t realize that until they’re with me. So I do. In person reveals. I never let people look at their photos alone unless it’s like a one off session, like a group shoot or something like that.

But if it’s like a one on one boudoir session, you come back to the studio with me and we’re looking at those pictures together. And it’s so I could help guide people through all of those squidgy feelings that come up. And also something I remind them is what you were talking about, where I like to say, like, think about how you’re going to think about these photos in five years.

Like right now, when you’re looking at them, it’s going to be the hardest for you to view them. You’re going to dislike these photos the most right now because you’re so close to the current person in those images. Um, and that’s normal, and we all do it. But think about how you’re going to view these photos in three months, how you’re going to view these photos in a year, two years, ten years.

You’re going to see an entirely different person. Um, and that really softens people up to like a new perception of the images. And I also like to like plant a little seed with people and being like, If they have a collection that has enough photos in it, I like to invite them to like keep one or two that make them feel really uncomfortable right now.

And I just like, just keep them if you want, if you want. I usually, they usually do. Um, because over time you’re going to see that photo in such a new way. And oftentimes in two to three years, people come back. They’re like, that’s actually my favorite photo now. It’s wild.

Yeah, that’s so cool how we can have that transformation and so amazing that you make space for that going through the collection together because I wouldn’t have necessarily thought about that and it really is so important to bring that tenderness into that side of things too with that being that hard part really.

Seeing it face to face again, getting close to the demons and those thoughts that are coming up as you’re really looking at yourself more closely. And I remember again with our group session, uh, you started out with getting us to write a letter to our body in anticipation. That was like your group session style of doing it since we didn’t have the in person reveal.

And. That was so nice for me to come back to and that’s what I actually posted that first photo with and now when I go back to that like journal entry, it makes me feel so like good and happy about my body and all the different ways I get to celebrate it for everything that it does do.

I love that.

Yeah, whenever people are feeling any of their feels about photos, um, and I also use this for myself because I take selfies and I also do burlesque, and burlesque show photos are, uh, if you ever want to work through all of the squidgy feelings about your body, perform live action. And looking at all of those feelings front and center, um, and they get really loud.

Um, but

 

 

what I like to do is just remind myself, like, how did I feel in that moment? You know, like bringing it back to that feeling of that embodiment and that tenderness of, okay, I’m struggling with how this photo looks, but how did I feel? And oftentimes it’s like, I felt fucking great. Like I felt so good.

I felt so embodied. I felt fierce. I felt strong. I felt powerful. And then it allows me to shift the perspective and be like, okay, well, that’s. Now that I know that I have that context I can kind of realign how I feel about the image. Sure, maybe I still don’t like my tum as much, but now I’m not really looking at my tummy.

I’m looking at the photo as like this really powerful moment captured in time.

Yes, again coming back to the feeling and the embodiment and feeling the emotion through the picture, not what our head is thinking about it.

 

 

 

Mm hmm. Exactly.

Yeah, I feel like we could go on and on and on, but we are coming up at two time.

Already? Already, already. This will be so fast. That’s amazing. Yeah, and so with that in mind, Do you have any last? Thoughts or pieces of advice that you want to share to those that are maybe at their like Scary beginning or messy middle of their journey of really embracing their body Embracing their unapologetic authenticity being fully seen.

Oh my gosh, so many I

think my biggest one would be just like take more selfies Allow yourself to just kind of create like a photo journal of your relationship with yourself and like, uh, add in like movement. So when I do selfies, I really like to incorporate a lot of touch, like kind of like self touches, little hugs, little squishes, um, and allow that practice to be like a love letter to your past, present and future self.

And if it feels too scary, you can just do them in the mirror for now. It’s incredible. The transformation. That comes when you just allow yourself to observe the amazing work of art that you are.

Mmm, absolutely. Oh, like a few things come through. I feel like, again, I could go on and on and on. Like the power of touching ourself.

And itself is

huge.

Even

just a hug. Before all my sessions, I get my clients to give themselves a big hug and kiss themselves on each shoulder. I’m like, when’s the last time you did that? So if you’re listening to this right now, give yourself a big hug. Yes. Kiss yourself on each shoulder. All right.

And that was actually one of my beginner, um, kind of pleasure practices, getting into the realm of being comfortable with my body was like a face massage, which I recommend like getting right in there and real juicy and just loosen up that jaw and give yourself that love and tenderness. Because we’re all different.

We don’t touch ourselves. Like, it feels awkward as fuck. It’s so scary at the beginning, but it’s so accessible and juicy and delicious to do. So, like, why not do it?

Yeah, like, we’ll touch ourselves sexually, but why not touch ourselves for, like, other comfort? You know, like, hugs. Like, when I’m in the bath, I’ll, like, I’ll give myself little hugs on my knees, and I’ll kiss my little knees, because it just feels so sweet, you know?

Tenderness with yourself.

Yes, give yourself that love. Another practice I do is resourcing in goodness. And so it’s my like go to if I’m feeling super depleted or down. And so it’s like resourcing yourself in that goodness. And like touch your hair and just allow yourself to feel that. Give yourself that inner smile, those little kisses.

And like that’s fuel for yourself.

I’m, I know what I’m doing as soon as we’re off this podcast, I’m giving myself a face massage. Immediately. Yes.

There we go. I feel like I want to like give all this homework from this episode, like hug yourself. If you want to do a face massage, do it. And then also, I want to see selfies, post your selfie and tag each of us.

And so we can just celebrate each other. Yes. Everybody has like a long list of homework. Home play. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes, home play. That’s what I like calling it too. Yeah, and you’ve helped shift my perspective. I’d say before I was way more critical than I am now, but I’m definitely someone who saw selfies as like doing it for attention kind of thing.

So again, shifting that perspective of it, like doing it for ourselves and just to be playful and take up that space. I love that. Well, thank you so much for such a fun conversation. Where can those listening find out more about you? Because they’re definitely going to want to after this. You can find me in so many places.

Um, you can find me on Instagram at mossboudoir or at misty. moss. Um, you can find me on YouTube. YouTube. com slash MistyMoss, um, and I also have a Facebook group, so if you go to any of my Instagram pages, go to my little link tree, and join our little private community. That’s where you get all of those sweet little stop, drop, and selfies we were talking about earlier.

Um, and I share lots of little self love resources, and post about the group shoots, and all of that fun stuff in there.

Yes, definitely join the Facebook group and I didn’t know about YouTube. So I’m gonna have to check that out after this, but yeah, well, thank you again. This has been so much fun. Thank you for those listening and being on this journey and just encouraging you along the way and please post those selfies.

I want to see them. Thank you so much for having me. This has been amazing. Thank you.

Thank you for joining us inside the unapologetic with Janine McKinnon podcast. I hope you enjoyed today’s episode. If you feel called, I would so appreciate it. If you left us a review to help us reach more women and couples so they can experience deeper connection and more expansive pleasure inside and outside the bedroom too, until next time, embrace your desire and experience your magic.