Today is a very special guest episode with Kyla Gagnon. Kyla is a somatic breathwork facilitator, women’s embodiment and empowerment leader and podcast host. And I have invited her. On to the podcast to share about her journey in really stepping into her unapologetic truth, in reclaiming herself, in aligning with her authenticity and learning to really use her voice and tune into her body and tune into what is in alignment.
I’ve heard pieces of her journey over the last year, and even though we have very different stories in what we’ve been through, something resonates so deeply with me with what she shares, and I know it will be the same for many other women. We all have different situations where we learn to quiet ourselves. for our safety, for our protection, and we all deal with this in different ways. Unfortunately it causes a huge disconnection with ourselves with many women not knowing what they want, struggling to use their voice and speak up for themselves, their desires, their boundaries, and even what their desires and interests are.
We dive into all of this and more as Kyla and I each share vulnerable pieces of our journey never shared publicly before. My hopes is that in listening to this conversation, you’re able to see yourself in it and see the different ways that you have moved throughout your journey.
And if you are someone that is more in the beginning stages or perhaps just curious about all of these different things that we’re talking about, that this conversation serves as a source of inspiration for you to really see what is possible. As Kyla and I, as we share, have both been in different positions where we literally had no voice, where we were being asked to speak, to say something, and we literally could not speak. And both of us have been able to go from that strong disconnection and that strong disempowerment to, on the flip side, really finding ourselves, reclaiming ourselves and being unapologetic in our authenticity.
This also is in partnership with her podcast, Reclaimed. I did an interview on her show, one week ago. So we will link that episode as well. I have quite enjoyed her podcast and have picked up pieces of her stories from that. I definitely recommend checking that out. All of the links are in the show notes for you to connect with Kyla on Instagram to check out her podcast. And we just so appreciate your support and listening. And without further ado, let’s dig into it.
Listen to the Episode
Finding Your Voice With Kayla Gagnon
- Kyla’s story, from independent and disconnected to empowered using her voice
- Working with our shadow selves
- Connecting with the body
- Finding breathwork
- Investing in yourself and taking leaps of faith
- Intuition and building a relationship with yourself
Kyla Gagnon
Kyla is a somatic Breathwork facilitator, women’s embodiment and empowerment leader and podcast host. After over 15 years in the Fitness industry as a competitor, fitness model, and personal trainer and after quite a lot of reluctance, found Herself in a conscious Breathwork session and everything changed. She now mentors women on reclaiming their power, finding their voice, clearing, trapped, emotion, and Releasing limiting beliefs so that they can achieve their next level, whether in business or in their life.
She is the founder of the Breathwork membership and the business mastermind. You can also find her leading retreats in Mexico & Vancouver Island and on the RECLAIMED podcast.
Show Notes
Kyla’s website: https://www.thesacredessentials.net
Connect with Kyla on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thesacred_essentials
Reclaimed Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/53lz13xJspWMpUpW4Q1wty
My Interview on Kyla’s Reclaimed Podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thesacredessentials/episodes/EP-19-SEX-MAGIC-WITH-JANNINE-MACKINNON-e2gmd9j
Free Honey Pot Meditation: https://janninemackinnon.com/honey-pot/
Free Sexuality Shadow Work Play Sheets: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/21057/114943557669749787/share
Complimentary Catalyst Call: https://tidycal.com/janninemackinnon/catalyst-call
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jannine.mackinnon/
Transcript
Hello. Today is a very special guest episode with Kyla Gagnon. Kyla is a somatic breathwork facilitator, women’s embodiment and empowerment leader and podcast host. And I have invited her. On to the podcast to share about her journey in really stepping into her unapologetic truth, in reclaiming herself, in aligning with her authenticity and learning to really use her voice and tune into her body and tune into what is in alignment.
And throughout the last year of being in each other’s fields, I’ve learned a lot. Learn more and more about her story from little bits and pieces that I have heard on different episodes of her podcast, Reclaimed, as well as some different pieces of content and interviews I’ve noticed. And when I’ve listened to her speaking and sharing about her story, something resonates so deeply with me.
I, even though we have very different stories of our journeys and what we’ve went through, there is. So many pieces that are very like core and that resonate so deeply. And I know that the same is for so many other women. We all have different situations where we learn to quiet ourselves. for our safety, for our protection, and we all deal with this in different ways.
There also is the reverse of just becoming so loud, so boisterous for, again, it is a protection mechanism. But what we share in this episode is more so that quieting and how that quieting really causes a big disconnection with ourselves. Where we struggle to even know what we want sometimes, and especially struggle to use our voice, to speak up for ourselves, to speak up for boundaries, even to say what we desire and what our interests are.
So, I feel like this is a very alive topic, uh, for myself personally, and I reflect on my journey as well, while Kyla shares all about hers. so much. And my hopes is that in listening to this conversation between Kyla and I, you’re able to see yourself in it and see the different ways that you have moved throughout your journey.
And if you are someone that is more in the beginning stages or perhaps just Curious about all of these different things that we’re talking about, that this conversation serves as a source of inspiration for you to really see what is possible. As Kyla and I, as we share, have both been in different positions where we literally had no voice, where we were being asked to speak, to say something, to make a sound, um, or to say something, and we literally And both of us have been able to go from that strong disconnection and that strong disempowerment to, on the flip side, really finding ourselves.
Reclaiming ourselves and being unapologetic in our authenticity. So that is what you are in store for today. This also is in partnership with her podcast, Reclaimed. Like I’ve mentioned, I did an interview on her show, uh, one week ago. So we will link that episode as well. As I mentioned, I have. Quite enjoyed her podcast and have picked up pieces of her stories from that.
It is a joy to listen to. I definitely recommend checking that out. All of the links are in the show notes for you to connect with Kyla on Instagram to check out her podcast. And we just so appreciate your support and listening. And without further ado, let’s dig into it.
I have loved following you, being connected with you over the past, I want to say it’s been about a year, maybe more, kind of like that. Yeah, I think so. And over that time, I’ve been catching your podcast, as well as other podcasts or shows you’ve been on, and I’ve really loved hearing your stories.
Your story, uh, that I think is quite relatable to many women with that good girl narrative, doing the right things, hitting those expectations, and then really breaking free from that cage. I’d love if you just dive right in, share what you want to share about your story and your journey.
Oh my gosh. Okay.
Okay. Um, first of all, I want to mirror what you just said. It’s been this really fun. It’s one of the reasons I love social media so much. And I definitely have like a love hate with it, but that put that out there, but, but I love that. Yeah, we’ve, we connected somehow began following each other and. And then landing in like some of the same spaces and, and now sharing on each other’s podcast.
And it’s been a really, it’s been really fun and it, I feel really grateful for that. So I just want to place that there. I’m really glad that we have come together again.
Yes. Me too. I think it was through My Line Purpose, Nicole and Kim. I think so. Yeah.
I love them. Me too. My sweet girls. Okay. Wow. Um, my, my story.
I don’t really know where to begin. I’ll probably popcorn around a little bit. But I was always. I was always told, or at least I always, I had memories of always being told that I was this like hyper independent, really grown up little girl. And I was, you know, you could throw me in a room with adults and I actually preferred to be in rooms with adults.
Not that I was having adult conversations. Like I wasn’t like intellectually above my age group at all, but, um, yeah, there was like this. I don’t know. There was something about being around the adults that I didn’t have to, I didn’t have to really interact. I could stay really quiet. So interesting. This is the first time I’ve actually thought this as I say it out loud.
I could stay really quiet. It kept me. In this space where I didn’t have to speak up, I didn’t have to ask questions. I didn’t have to be involved. I could sort of just be that fly on the wall. And that was my, I was an only child. And so that was a lot of my life was being around adults. And I, I did, I kept it really, yeah, really fly on the wall ish.
And, um, and I was like really capable of doing my own things. And so I never really asked for help. I really just kind of kept myself and did my own thing. And And then my mom passed away when I was 20, relatively suddenly and, um, everything that I had known like kind of disappeared and I was still living at home.
So that’s sort of foundation of being a little girl, being a, you know, 1920, I’m not a little girl, but still young and still living at home being taken care of for the most part. And having to like quite, quite literally overnight, like quite literally, I think it was a span of like seven days. I transitioned and got my own house and like, you know, had to sign up for all the bills.
All the bills and all the things that come with that and, and, um, I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea how to do it. And so that hyper independence part of me kicked in and that really responsible, mature part of me kicked in and, and, and then I just kind of did it until now. And, and. And I say that I’m even bringing this in because that like responsible, mature, independent part was very rigid.
And she kept herself really shelled up without knowing, like I really had no idea until, you know, call it five or six years ago, even that I was as walled up and shelled up and closed off and, and, um, Really just like a fraction of myself, my whole self, because I was trying to, I was trying to keep up with that, um, the title of like really responsible.
So I was only in like work work and that’s all there is. And so there was really no, no space for play or for expression or for pleasure or for anything else. And, and I didn’t realize how in that I was. And until I, it was breathwork that first showed me how walled up and how disconnected from, from me, I was, I was just playing these roles of got it all together, responsible, mature, independent, doesn’t need anything or anyone.
And I was in a breathwork session that I had resisted. And resisted and resisted going to, I had no interest in going at all. I was teaching yoga at the time. So I thought I was being invited to basically a yoga class. Like I was just like, I don’t need to go to this class. And I finally went, I was asked enough times that I finally went to this class and Uh, keep in mind, like before this session, I really, I had done a lot of self work.
I had like read all the books and said all the right things. I was like totally woke in my head and not that I thought I like couldn’t improve, but I felt pretty good about myself, felt like life was good. Go to this class. Realize it’s not at all what I’ve been doing in yoga. I have my whole mind blown open.
Um, and the piece that really came up was the power of my voice and how disconnected from my voice I was. And I feel like I’ve been talking for all forever already, but I will just quickly share that exact story is the breath instructor had us. Um, maybe like half an hour into the practice had us just shaking our arms and discharging energy and that was fine.
I really liked that actually. And then she invited us to make some sound and to use our voice. And so as we’re shaking, she invited us to make the sound of ah, like really loud and long, like really given her and everyone else was doing it. And I was totally freaking out. I like clammed up, my body shut down.
It was like, Oh, I’m Hard. No. For me. Like it literally physically impossible for a sound to come out of my throat. And at first I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Like everyone else is doing this. What is, what is wrong with you? Like grow up kind of like, well, what are you doing? What are you embarrassed about?
And that kind of spiraled me into some anger towards myself and embarrassment and like all of these icky feelings. And then. This awareness of like,
Oh my God, I, I don’t have a voice. I don’t even know how to use my voice in any way, shape, or form. I don’t know how to say no. I don’t know how to ask for what I want.
I don’t like, uh, like I freeze. And then I started to cycle into the women in my lineage, my mom and my grandma, and like, I don’t know. Really recognizing how deep that story goes in my family of like how disconnected from our voice we are. And like a woman disconnected from her voice is disconnected from her power.
Like she’s just disconnected period. Absolutely. And. And this was like becoming, I was getting so mad. I was getting so mad thinking about how many women are, are disconnected from their voice. And the majority of them probably don’t even know it. And as she asked us to kind of come back just to the breath.
And stop the sound, the noise, the eyeing, the toning, then my voice like cracked and this little squeal came out and, and it was in that moment where it became like really, really clear that that story stops here. Like. Period. Full stop.
It, I now like, I now have found my voice, even though it was just a little squeal.
I found my voice and I am determined, like it was in this moment. I was like, okay, I’m determined to use it in a good way. And it, you know, that story might not sound like a big deal to some, it was actually life changing for me. In that moment I was like, holy shit, I’ve never felt this before. And it was powerful enough that I actually like quit my business.
I. Quit my career of 15 years. I shut the doors down to my personal training business and dove headfirst into breathwork and somatics and have for the last like five and a half years been remembering what my voice is and supporting others and finding theirs and reminding them of their power and their worth and their magic and their medicine.
And, and it’s, it’s this like beautiful unraveling every day. And I know that it will continue to unravel. I don’t know what I’ll be doing in a year. I have no idea.
Wow. I just, I love that story. I’m so glad you went through with that full description. Cause when I first heard, um, that breath work piece and like one, it’s incredible how it really was this turning point, this catalyst for you, which I do want to circle back to that big career shift.
Cause that’s huge in itself.
When I first heard you describe how you were going Physically unable to use your voice. That was the first time I ever heard anyone explain it like that. And I was like, wow, it’s not just me at that moment. Um, cause I have a different background story that I resonate with yours quite a bit, but there’s those differences.
And I think whether or not. You’re an only child, but in different ways, we can have those ways. We put that safety bubble around ourselves so we can stay safe, stay small, be quiet, whether or not it’s in those adult rooms or in other ways by the certain friends that we choose to surround ourselves with or the different places that we are, we keep ourselves safe.
And then moving into that hyper independence bubble. And I think it’s. It’s so restricting and controlling and we don’t really realize it until we’re out of it or challenged in a certain way, like you were with your voice there where it’s, Oh, I didn’t realize until now, like you really don’t know until you know, but going back to that voice part, I remember for me, I was 16.
I’d been, there’s like a whole thing around it, but I wasn’t living at home and I kind of got shipped away for this whole situation. But I remember being in a counselor’s office with my two parents and they were confronting me about something and they had this funny Full other story of what was going on thinking here, I’ll just say it rather than beating around the bush.
Um, but essentially like at the time, like I was a bit of a troubled teen and before leaving the house, I had like smashed up Tylenol thinking of snorting it because that’s what I heard other people doing. And I was like, this is stupid. I’m not doing this. And I brushed it off the desk. And so in this counselor appointment after things happened, they thought I was doing all of these crazy drugs and all of these different things and I couldn’t even use my voice.
And so you don’t know what you’re talking about. That’s not it. Like, I physically, like, I couldn’t speak. And hearing you talk about your experience in that breathwork class, it’s just, wow, like, this is something so many of us really do face.
Yeah. And I think back to listening to you share, thank you for that, how, how many times, and I still like, I’m not pretending I’m not still in it sometimes.
There’s still moments where I catch myself and it’s like, I’m Wow. It’s it’s wow. It actually wants to stay stuck and I have to really work on it. But I think of how many times in our life have we not said something or said the wrong thing because we couldn’t figure out how to say something. And I think of friendships, I think of partnerships, I think of interactions with, uh, employers who are not great.
I think of like so many times. So many times, and you know, as often it’s to please someone else, it’s to not look silly. It’s to not look dramatic. It’s to whatever. Yes. We always have a reason for it. And that reason is kind of regardless of what it is, it’s, it’s in a sense, it’s us like turning away from ourself.
Um, and that’s sort of a phrase I talk about in my work. And so if someone’s listening, like, I don’t really know what you’re talking about. Um, if we think of just for, you know, maybe this will make sense if we think of our higher self, you know, it’s a term that we all know that higher self is always there.
And the part of us that’s making these funny decisions is sort of like more of our, it’s our human self. It’s our shadowed self. It’s our wounded self. It’s the one who’s like trying to figure out what the heck we’re even doing here. And when we. Don’t say the thing, or we say the thing that’s going to please someone and go against what’s actually true for us.
It’s like, it’s like that. We’re turning away from that higher self. We’re just like turning in towards the shadow. Whereas, you know, the healing really comes when we can turn towards ourself. It’s like turn our heart towards our heart kind of, um, I digress a little bit, but Yeah. Our voice.
Yeah. I love that visual you put to it with that higher self or human self and either turning away or turning towards, because quite frequently I’ll talk about just that disconnect.
And I find that visual really helps.
Yeah.
What I’ve noticed with myself and different women I’ve worked with is we’ve gone through life turning away from ourselves. Constantly keeping ourselves quiet, not saying the thing and it causes so much disconnect. I think at the beginning we know like, Oh, I should say this.
And it might be hard not to, but we bite our tongue. And the more we do it, it gets easier and easier and easier. And like you touched on, like we, we have these little thoughts, we have our reasons for it, but it gets easier. And that disconnect from our body grows. And grows and grows and that disconnect from a higher self or essence.
And that’s how we really lose touch. And it goes back to like, you don’t know what you don’t know. And once you actually build that connection with yourself and turn more towards your higher self, feel that essence, your voice, what you truly want, because so much of it, we disconnect from what we even want from all of us.
Well, and in that too, when we do that for long enough, we forget what we even want. We disconnect so much. We have no idea what we want. To the point of like, do you want an iced latte or a hot latte? And I actually had, I’ve said this to someone on a podcast, I don’t remember who I was saying it to. It was mine or someone else’s.
I actually had like an intuitive mentor who was like Kyla, cause I was so disconnected and I was outsourcing everything. Someone tell me the answer. Tell me the answer. Someone tell me what to do. Someone tell me what to do. She was like, when you go into a coffee shop. I want you to stop, place your hand on your solar plexus, right?
Your place of power, place your hand here, close your eyes and feel into, okay. Think hot latte. Okay. Does your body feel like a yes to that? Okay. No. Think iced latte. Oh yeah. There’s some excitement. Okay. Go with that. Like really, that was, that was like my biggest decision, I guess, in that moment, which is so hilarious, but we forget, we don’t even know sometimes because we’ve put it off to please someone else or something else.
So many times.
Absolutely. Yeah. And it’s just, it mutes ourself more and more. It’s like when asked a question, Oh, whatever you want or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. And it just gives our power away more and more each time. And it can really start with something as simple as that latte. And reclaiming your power and like truly connecting with your body that way.
And I love how you talked about connecting with the solar plexus, the place of power. I love, um, opening up our perspectives to the different parts of our body that we can connect with and find answers. I think many people are familiar with like, follow your gut, listen to your heart, think with your head.
And so that solar plexus is a part of that gut.
Yeah, it really is.
Yeah. It’s the
connector, actually, between your gut and your heart.
Yeah.
It gets forgotten.
And then there’s our Yoni space as well, which is a fun place to really feel again those sensations like what excites me, what closes me off. And these are all different parts of our body that we can tap into for that knowledge.
Yeah. And that like our Yoni’s talk about disconnection, there is, you know, we’re talking like century, you know, but centuries and centuries of, of disempowerment and disconnection. And so I, I, I don’t know if it would be the most common time when a woman doesn’t know what she wants, but I think it’s high up there like sexually and whether it’s self self pleasure or partner pleasure.
Like we’ve been performing for others for so long. I don’t know. You know, there was a period of time, not all that long ago where I was like, I actually have no idea what feels good for me. I have no idea what I want, what I like. I don’t know.
That’s another one of those areas where I think even more so it’s the expectation for most women to just serve the partner, please the partner.
Hopefully they’ll see where attractive actually just last week, um, at time of recording, it’ll be two weeks by the time this goes out, put out an episode all around that rather than centering your sexuality around your partner and service to others, really centering it around yourself. And that’s how you get back in touch.
With your body, with your power, with using your voice.
Yeah, we’re all relearning. We’re all remembering.
Absolutely. It’s a journey, right?
The greatest of journeys.
It is. It truly is. I would love to circle back to that career change you went through because that’s huge too, spending so much time building something up, being quite successful, recognized in your area, in your industry, and then burning it all down and shifting into breathwork.
So I’d love it if you could share more about that.
Yeah, for sure. So I, um, yeah, I loved fitness. I loved everything about it. I loved the act of it. I loved working out. I loved seeing bodies morph and change. I loved the look of muscle. I love, I mean, I love human bodies. I don’t, I just love them, all of them.
And And I, in high school, when all of my friends were, you know, going off to university, knowing what they wanted to do at 16 or 17 years old, I had no idea what I wanted to do, but I loved fitness and I really liked connecting with people. And so I, I just. And I was like, this will be a thing, which is really funny to me because I’ve, you know, no one in my life modeled entrepreneurship ever.
I don’t, I don’t know if I knew an entrepreneur at all. And anyway, I became one and started at full. At first I worked for a gym. For a few years. And then I went out and worked on my own and, and I was, yeah, I was competing in fitness. I was working with magazines. I was, I was, yeah, I was traveling and meeting really cool people and having what looked like a really great time.
And there was success and, and I did have a good time. I did like it and it felt really surface level and superficial. And I knew that there was more. And I also didn’t know what that meant, but I just knew that there was more. And I have a girlfriend who, who says, you know, nothing was wrong, but something wasn’t right.
I’m like, yes, that’s
exactly it. Nothing was wrong and something wasn’t right. Like I just was aching for this, for this depth, those aching for something more. And you know, working with clients as a personal trainer, it’s quite personal and intimate. And I learned a lot about people and I was hearing all sorts of stories and it became really clear to me that.
Their body issues, their weight goals, their, um, yeah, their goals about their body actually wasn’t about their body. Like there just was so much more once I started to hear more life stories, but I also didn’t have training around that. I really didn’t even know what that meant. There was just this part of me that was like, ding, ding, ding, ding, like something there’s something else here.
And, and then I started teaching yoga and that was sort of closer to the feeling that I wanted. We were getting into depth. We’re getting into emotion. We were really honoring and celebrating what the body was capable of doing versus just what it looked like. Like there was something there and it still wasn’t quite it.
And then there was something in that breathwork session that was like. Ding. This is it. Like, this is the more I’ve just never felt more connected to my body, to my wisdom, to like ancient wisdom. It was like, it’s the same type of experience I get when I work with psychedelics. Like when I work with psilocybin, it’s like, Oh my gosh, ancient wisdom.
Like all of a sudden, like all of this knowing this remembering is like right here. I get that in breath work as well. And so I left the session and I asked my instructor who her, who Her teacher was, and she told me, and I went home that night and Googled him and he’s based in Calgary and was coming to Victoria in like three months to run a level one immersion.
So I was like registering for that, clearing my schedule and. Went to the immersion, it was like four days of a lot of breathwork and a lot of theory and a lot of teaching and like, wow. And I left that immersion and started the like procedure of just leaving my business. And a few months later, I, I emailed all of my clients and I was like, Thanks for the 15 years.
Cause some of them had been there for 15 years. I was just like, I love you. Thank you. And this chapter is done. And it literally like on the first day of the next month, it was just done. It was done. I think email’s gone. I don’t work in fitness. And I went straight into training in breath and trauma and semantics and, and have never looked back.
And it was just this, like, My best friend says to me, she’s like, you know, she’s the word brave. She uses the word brave. She uses another word. I can’t remember, but she’s like, when you know, you want something, I don’t know anyone else that goes after it so fully. And it’s so terrifying for me to like watch it.
Cause I could never do that. And I’m like, Oh my gosh, it doesn’t feel scary or brave. It’s just like an obvious, it’s like this has to be done. And so I’m going to do it. And that’s how I felt about leaving fitness and stepping into this world. It was like, Oh my gosh, here it is. Finally. Thank you. And it feels like I’ve been here for lifetimes.
Like, this is all I know now.
Oh, I just, I can listen to you talk and talk. I love hearing your stories.
Oh, thank you. Yeah. I can talk and talk so I can keep going, but I shouldn’t. Yeah. And like that journey too. It’s not like I, there was, there was challenge there. So it was, it was, Right smack at the beginning of the pandemic, I think when I was like officially out of work, which was so wild.
So I was like, oh, my God, what, what am I doing? And, um, I kind of wallowed in it for a couple months of like, I need, someone needs to help me. I need to find a job. Like I need something needs to happen. And I started doing some contract work for a friend of mine who ran a fitness company online and I was doing some yoga content and just to have some money coming in.
But I was like, Oh, I’m still putting my power into someone else’s hands. I’m doing it again. I’m doing it again. And when it became very clear that that was not going to make me the money I needed, I I had this like epiphany in my head, again, similar to the finding my voice where I was just getting pissed.
I was like at this edge where it’s like, I’m going to go broke and live on the streets if I don’t figure something out. So, and I cannot keep outsourcing this to someone else. And I, uh, I went online, this is so funny. This is random, but I’m going to share it because. It actually was quite pivotal for me in terms of reclaiming my power.
This has nothing to do with breathwork. Um, I, I had two really close friends of mine who were playing in the stock market with a really edgy, controversial stock. And it was like going. Off. And they were said to make like a ridiculous amount of money. It was wild. It was all they were talking about. And I know nothing about stocks.
I had never invested anything in myself, meaning like I had never hired a coach. I had never hired like nothing. I was like, such a penny pincher. So consider the times 2020. I’m out of work. I don’t have a job as most of us were out of work. I don’t have a job. I have no money coming in. I have no idea what I’m going to do with myself.
I have a certain amount in my TFSAs. I have been outsourcing my power to this company for the last couple of months to keep me afloat and hopefully make some money. That’s not working. So I’m getting really pissed that I’m doing this thing again, where I’m outsourcing. I’m not speaking up for myself. I’m not going after what I want.
This all happened in the same, like 48 hours. So I’m driving, listening to a podcast about women investing and having like financial wealth and like really taking the reins. And I go home and I’m like, fuck it. I call my friends. I’m like, what’s the stock at? You feel really good about it. They’re like, yeah, we feel really good about it.
I’m like, okay, I’m going to, I’m going to pull out 10, 000 for my TFSA, pulled out 10, 000 invested in this stock. I have not told anyone now I’ve told the world on your podcast, but I’ve not told anyone that my dad, my dad would kill me. So, so I invest 10, 000 into the stock and, and then I go home and I’m feeling like on top of the world.
Cause I’m like, I just did something kind of exciting for myself and we’ll see where it goes. Then I opened up Facebook and prior to the pandemic, I’d been hosting yoga and fitness retreats in Bali and Greece and those got shut down, of course, and I, and this ad pops up on Facebook. That’s like, are you a retreat leader looking to pivot?
In these weird times. And I was like, I am, I’m going to click this ad and then I’m going to jump on this hour long webinar. And then I’m going to jump on a sales call. And, and I did all of the things. And then I hired the coach for another 10, 000 that I didn’t have. Then I pulled out of my TFSAs 24 hours after I pulled them out earlier.
So now I’ve pulled out 20, 000 in a time where I’m not making any money. I’m like, okay, this is it. So I hired these coaches. And they were lovely and totally not the right fit. And, In this time, I had met Nicole. And so we’re talking about Kayla and Nicole. I had met Nicole. She’d come to my house for a breathwork session.
I was in their free community, which at the time was I think called the collective. And I was really loving them. And I’m like kicking myself because I’m like, they’re starting their year long mentorship in like four months. And I would way rather be coaching with them. I can’t believe I paid 10, 000 to coach with these other people.
I totally don’t like it. And I was like, Yeah. I’m going to pull out another 10, 000 for my TFSAs. I’m like draining my savings. Like thank God I even had them, but I’m, I keep pulling this money out. And all of it felt so empowering because I’d finally shifted that internal narrative of like, I’m not worth the money.
Investing in, or I’m not capable of that, or it was that outsourcing, I was always kind of expecting someone else to do the dirty work and to like lift me up. And I was like, no, I can do this and I’m going to do it. And I’m going to challenge myself. I’m going to invest in myself both financially and energetically and time.
And yeah. And now I’ve been with Kayla and Nicole for three years and, you know, I’ve paid them money for three years to be my coaches. And that stock has plummeted, but it is on a funny, it’s like, I’ve lost all my money, but it is, it’s still, it’s still like a hot topic. I’m. Anyone who knows stocks is gonna be like, Oh God, she did that thing.
I’m still, I’m still holding out. There’s still like lots of talk about it coming back anyways. Nonetheless, I’m not upset about it. And the money I spent on those other coaches, I’m not upset. Like none of it was all so uplifting and so expansive. And, and I know that I wouldn’t have done that. Everyone’s like, how does this connect to your voice?
It was the opening. It was the like reconnection to myself, reconnection to reconnection to like my knowing and my value and my worth and my power and my, my awareness of my gifts and my awareness of my capability to be successful and, and, and good. And, um, I just, I really trust that I wouldn’t have gotten there without it.
Yes. Ah, I love that. I feel like what comes through for me with those like multiple, um, investments in yourself is like one, like knowing something is not right and like feeling it inside and just like fuck it. Not doing this. I’m betting on myself and that decision and holding fast, like doing the damn thing, doing the scary thing, but it felt right and doing it multiple times.
And also. Like knowing it’s okay if it doesn’t work out, like trusting yourself in your process. And like, like you just said with the stocks, like it hasn’t worked. It’s still holding out. I know nothing about stocks, so I have no idea what the stock is, but me neither. Yeah. But like, that’s how that worked.
And the coaches, like, you knew you were worth investing in, did the thing. And, Oh, It’s not working out and trusting yourself. Again, I think there’s many people who have gone through a similar process and then given up. Like that’s the story is, Oh, this doesn’t work for me. It’s not worth it. I’m not doing it anymore, but you still held strong.
And like, I am worth it. I am worth investing. I know this is better suited for me. Yeah. Look it, we’re going all in, let’s do it. Like continuing to do those, it builds your strength, builds your connection with yourself, your connection with your voice, as you’re able to pivot and just really trust yourself through that process.
Yeah. Yeah. It was, it’s a funny moment. It was like, it truly is like a different, there’s a, it was like before and after, like that was such a different person before that. Those two days of like, can I do it good old days.
Yeah, it’s really neat when you can have those moments to really reflect on. I feel similar.
There’s so many parts of your story that I resonate with very much that like, fuck it, I’m doing it. And like, just doing that like big scary thing. And, uh, when I went through my career change, I, It went hard for probably about five or six years, content creating, doing marketing for small businesses. And I love what you said.
It’s not necessarily something was wrong, but something was missing and I felt that more and more. And so on ash again for
ads work, people do,
uh, for one of Layla Martin’s, um, freebies. And so did the thing, went through the funnel a month later, decided to quit everything, go all in on this new sex, love and relationship coaching certification.
And I remember, uh, that like decision making day. That in terms of organizing the finances and stuff like that, I got a no. And I was like, you know what? I’m not taking no as an answer. I’m signing up, it’s happening and I’m going to figure it out. That was that huge moment of like, I know this is right. I trust myself.
We’re making it happen and figuring it out.
Wow.
Wow.
Yes. And you did, and you did. Yeah. . Yeah. As we do. Mm-Hmm. .
Exactly. Right. I love that. I’m curious if leading up to this big change for yourself, you mentioned a little bit with the, it’s not that something was wrong, but something wasn’t right. Was there something niggling at you kind of for a while?
Mm-Hmm. Or did something just kind of weigh down there? Was that turning point? Or did you have this little thing going on in your ear? Uh hmm.
She’ll laugh at me if, if she listens to this, the nagging thing was my best friend in my ear and for a very good reason. So the main P and gosh, like there was so many other aspects to my life, but the piece that kept repeating itself was really interesting choices in men. And like getting myself into long term, like three year relationships was kind of the, the cutoff with people who just were absolutely not right for me.
I had no boundaries. I had no boundaries even with my clients. Oh my gosh. I just had no boundaries. I yeah. My best friend was like, you don’t trust yourself enough. Like you don’t trust yourself enough. You don’t trust yourself enough. Like you keep bending over backwards for people who are like, Hard nose and allowing yourself to be treated so poorly over and over.
Like you don’t trust yourself. You don’t listen to yourself. You don’t trust yourself. You don’t validate any, you just, yeah, don’t validate any of your own thoughts. And I was like, no, no, no, that’s not right. That’s not right. And I always had an excuse. And. I was in a relationship and not, I mean, it’s in a relationship with a very nice person who is not the right person for me at that time.
And very shortly after that breath session, we ended and yeah. And um, so I mean, it, it really has, there was so many other pieces, but the allowing myself to be in relationship, whether it be intimate or, or platonic with people who, We’re not good for me or to me and very much ignoring and pretending I didn’t know I had an intuition.
I was like, I’m the one special person who doesn’t have that. And I was certain of it. I was like, I don’t have an intuition and I don’t have one.
Oh, wow. Well, first it sounds like you have an amazing best friend who really sees so much in you and shares that with you. That’s really helpful.
She’s really cool.
Yeah. We lived together for 13 years. So she saw a lot.
Oh, wow. You’ve been through so much together. Yeah.
Yeah. We grew up, we grew up. I would say we grew up together. We met when we were 22. Yeah. Yeah. Became women together.
Beautiful. It sounds like it came back to that disconnection with yourself, turning from yourself.
And you didn’t really realize until it was brought up and reflected to you and then taking that time. And it’s like, Oh, you’re right. Cause you miss those internal signs with your body.
Totally. Oh yeah. I was just fully, fully not, not connected, not attached. I don’t need it. Yeah. It’s wild. It does. It does.
Everybody.
Yeah. So for women who are listening, who are somewhere along their journey, whether they’re in that strong disconnection place, or perhaps they’ve brought awareness, they’ve had that pivotal moment and are in their journey to really be able to reclaim their voice, to reclaim themselves. Do you have any like tips or advice or thoughts that you would like to share with them?
Yeah, I, this was something that I, I know I’ve heard a thousand times in my life and I know I’ve probably laughed at or turned my back to this because I thought it was false. I thought it was just for certain people. Um, but truly, truly, truly, I know this now from experience, both myself and witnessing like hundreds of women move through this.
The piece that you’re outsourcing, the piece that you’re looking for, the answer you’re trying to find the wisdom you think you are without. You’re not. It’s here. It’s you have it. It’s within. It really, really is. It’s waiting for you to, to be with it. We just happen to live a very busy, distracted, stimulated, um, yeah, very fast paced world that is designed to keep us disconnected from our body, especially as women.
There’s a wisdom in your body that is unfathomable to understand the power of it. And it’s just asking you to be present. And so that looks like slowing down. It looks like taking moments where you’re not distracted and you’re actually tuning in and listening to what your body has to say. And that might be, um, you know, I’m cold, put a blanket around me rather than just like toughing it out on the couch.
No, I’m cold. Put a blanket around me. Okay. I’m going to get a blanket. I’m going to put a blanket around me. It might be that there’s an emotion that needs to come out. It might be that there’s, I don’t know, a creative outlet that wants to be outlet. It’s starting to listen to the wisdom of your body. Our bodies have been speaking to us from the moment we.
Came earth side and people didn’t teach us. Most, most of us were not raised with how to listen to our body. And then we step into a society where that’s. Not at all the conversations that we’re having, and in fact, quite the opposite and, um, permission granted to be a rebel and to go against the grain and slow down and just listen to your beautiful, beautiful body.
There’s so much wisdom. If there’s a niggle for the woman, who’s like, Oh no, everything’s fine. Cause I girl, I S I get it. There’s there’s often, if we again, get slow enough, we’ll sense that there’s some, there’s a, there’s a friction somewhere. There’s that whole, like nothing’s wrong, but something’s missing.
And, and you don’t have to know the answer right away. Trust it’s coming. Stay curious with that. Stay, stay connected to that.
I love all of that. So well said.
Thank
you. Yes. Thank you. It’s just this morning at a coaching conversation. And after going through something, uh, we’re talking about how the wisdom is always within, we just need to get slow enough and quiet enough.
To hear it and connect with it. Yes. Yeah. And I really like the examples you brought up. I think we might shy away from it thinking of those bigger instances, having a more confronting conversation with someone where it’s more obvious that we’re giving our power away or not listening to ourselves or using our voice, but it really can.
I think it is most supportive to start small. Like you talked about with being on the couch, if you’re cold and uncomfortable, grab a blanket, ask for someone to pass you the blanket in that coffee shop. Again, coming back to that latte. Do I want hot? Do I want cold? And the more we’re able to take those baby steps with these small ways of listening to her body, listening to her wisdom, using her voice.
It’s really reinforcing that and it gets easier and easier and builds on top of each other. So we feel more empowered to do the big thing and make the massive change.
Yeah. Well, it’s like building that trust relationship with ourself. So important. The relationship with ourself is, you know, it’s the most important relationship.
And a lot of us are spending so much time and energy. On external relationships, which is also very important, but mindful that it’s not at the consequence of you not knowing yourself.
Absolutely. We’re the only ones we are with ourselves all day, every day for our entire life.
And what a gift that is.
You’re awesome.
Yes. That’s something to cultivate and build that trust and relationship with ourselves. It’s not going away. Let’s have fun with it. Totally. Um, thank you so much for this conversation. Thank you. Come to an end. Do you have any last thoughts or anything you would like to share?
I don’t think so. Um, just like, uh, you’d be open to try the things, you know, just be open to try the things. And it’s like, I think with yoga specifically, it’s like, Let’s say you’re someone who likes to move really slow and you go to like a vinyasa class and it’s really fast and you’re like, I went to yoga once.
I hated it. Oh, okay. But there’s so many other styles of yoga. Maybe you should go to a yin class. Maybe you should go to a restorative. If you like to move slow, maybe it was the instructor and it’s the same with everything. Breathwork coaching, like a doctor, a dentist, the person who makes you, we go to specific coffee shops because we like how they make our drink.
If we go to one coffee shop that makes kind of a weird. Acidic latte. You’re not going to be like, I hate lattes. No, you just don’t like that particular coffee shop. So you wouldn’t just give up on lattes altogether. You would find another coffee shop. So whatever it is, if it’s. If it’s coaching, like all of it, just try, try, just try
that, be willing to try the different flavors.
Don’t let the one experience create the story, trust yourself, try on the things and stay open. Exactly. Exactly. Well, thank you for that. For those that are like, Hilah’s awesome. I need to hear more. Where can people connect with you?
Oh, a couple places. Um, most often on the Instagram. And yeah, I’m sure you’ll, you’ll link that, but it’s the sacred underscore essentials and I do have a website and I update it very regularly.
So that’s also there. It’s the sacred essentials. net and then my podcast is a great place. For more conversation and that is reclaimed and the podcast is all about women reclaiming their power. So that’s a fun one too.
Absolutely. Yeah. That’s what really opened me up to your story. I was like, yes, I love this.
I’m just connected with you more and more and love to all of the different things that you shared there. And Instagram is a great spot for inspiration and connection too.
It is. And let’s just place this. So this is coming out, uh, next week, which will be. Uh, week since you were on my podcast. So if everyone’s like, Ooh, I want more of Janine and Kyla chatting the most recent episode, or I guess last week’s episode on reclaimed is a conversation conversation with you and I.
Yeah. And that’s a really fun one too. And digging into sex magic and all those things. So we’ll make sure to link that as well.
Perfect.
Great. Thanks again.
Thanks girl.
