Becoming an embodied woman, what does that mean exactly? In this conversation we open up about our journey’s do doing just that. How we both started out paralyzed in using our voice and in our self expression, and how it takes deep inner child healing and shadow work to overcome that. By willing to face the emotions and memories you’ve been avoiding and stuffing down, you are able to not only heal, but expand your capacity to feel and become more grounded in your body and as a woman.
It takes immense energy to hold it all together all the time. Trying to control the outcome while you keep the ship afloat and live up to outside expectations for fear of judgement and failing. But as you learn to heal those inner parts of yourself you’re able to rekindle your spark. To feel more aliveness and open up your capacity to feel and connect while you step into the embodiment of a woman.
Tune into the episode and please be sure to check out Monique Carmela online through the links below.
Becoming an Embodied Woman with Monique Carmela Self Expression and Relationship Coach
- Journey of self expression and being unable to speak
- Power of breathwork
- Growing in your relationship
- Healing your inner child
- Creating safety within
- Being willing to feel uncomfortable emotions
- Unleashing creativity
- Becoming an embodied woman
- You don’t have to hold it all together
Tune Into The Episode
Monique Carmela
Trauma-Informed Self-Expression & Relationships Coach, Breathwork & Somatic Experiencing Facilitator. Monique supports her clients and students to reconnect to their authentic self, reclaim their personal power, express themselves authentically and unapologetically, and build conscious, harmonious relationships.
FB/IG @moniquecarmela.love
REGULATE Free Ebook https://embody.moniquecarmela.com/regulate
Becoming Free 5-Day Masterclass (Available until July 31st) https://embody.moniquecarmela.com/becoming-masterclass
The Embodied Woman Experience https://embody.moniquecarmela.com/membership
Transcript
Hello and welcome to the Unapologetic with Janine McKinnon podcast. I’m your host Janine, Manifesting Maven, Lunar Ritualist, Nature Lover, Sex Magic Expert, and Empowering Confidence and Sexuality Coach. If you’d like, you can think of me as your witchy bestie. D, who calls you out on your self-deprecating cycles, while encouraging you to align with your highest self.
And I’m on a mission to help women return to the wisdom of their bodies and embrace their inner power. If you’re a woowoo woman craving more self-love, confidence, fulfillment, and. passion in your life. You are in the right place. The Unapologetic with Janine McKinnon podcast is here to help women like you to thrive as your most radiant and happy self.
Here you can find inspiration and tools taken from my one on one coaching sessions and group experiences to support you. you in your journey. We’ll cover things like societal conditioning, inner child healing, pleasure practices, manifestation techniques, approachable rituals, and all around women’s empowerment.
My goal is to shift your perspective and give you actionable takeaways so you can walk away from these episodes feeling inspired to create a life that ignites your spirit. So thank you so much for being here. I am so grateful that we’re able to connect in this way and I can’t wait to dig into the contents of this episode with you.
Without further ado, let’s get into it.
📍 Hello. Beautiful. Today. We have the honor of chatting with Monique Carmella, who is a dear friend of mine. We went through a Rita journey together and she is just an incredible woman.
She is a self expression and relationship coach and. We get into the depths and today’s conversation
what starts out and chatting about self-expression and both of the ways we have been paralyzed in using our voices. Goes down a rabbit hole
of soft transformation and really growing within relationships, healing our inner child, building security within ourselves, being willing to feel the uncomfortable emotions. And in doing so, not only unleashing our creativity, but in truly embodying the woman within Monique says an incredible quote that I just love. In this episode
and that is healing.
The inner child allows you to be an embodied woman. And that couldn’t be any more true. And if you’re like, yes, I’m right there with you. You are going to love this podcast in this conversation. And if you’re like, Hmm, like. Not quite sure what that means. We are going to dig into it all to open right up. Show you the pathway through our conversation.
And I’m so excited to bring it to you here today.
And without further ado, let’s get right into it.
📍 📍 📍 And at the beginning of your journey, I really liked how you had mentioned how challenging it was for you to use your voice. Because I think that’s something a lot of women can relate to, that feeling of holding themselves back, of struggling to speak, or worried how it’ll be received, or what people will think.
Can you share a little bit about what it was like, um, with how challenging it was to speak and really show up as your authentic self?
Mm. Yeah. Uh, it’s, it’s such a, um, it’s such a deep topic for me. Like such a, a tender and, what’s the word? Like, I feel it so deeply, like I can connect to that part of me, that version of me that time so quickly because it’s so vivid, it’s so deep.
Um, for me, it’s been such a massive part of my journey and I still remember. Um, even the beginning of my current relationship with my partner, Liam. As soon as we became something, because prior to actually being in relationship with him, we were actually, um, like intimate relationship. It was more of a friendship and I was chatting, chatting, chatting.
It was all good. And then as soon as it became a relationship, it was like, bomb, like. Cut off at the throat. Could barely get two words out. Majority of the conversation was like via text and then I just had no voice and we were together. Um, and like kind of don’t even get me started of like in the bedroom of how much I felt like I had to hold back there.
I couldn’t even hold a conversation in a normal room kind of thing, um, let alone actually going into the space of sexuality. And so, For me that just it felt so isolating and it felt like there is something seriously wrong with me. Like, why can’t I speak and when I would like be sitting in it when there’s like that trigger and there’s that, um, intense contraction in the body.
It was excruciating. I felt nauseous. I felt spirals of self shaming and self judgment, beating myself up. And I was just like, it was almost like I was trapped. Like my entire body was on lockdown. My throat was completely like, just like almost like I was being strangled.
Um, and I was just spiraling in the mind and it was, you know, Incredibly, incredibly excruciating.
Prior to this partnership, I had dated for about five years and nothing really ever stuck because I was not able to have a conversation. And for the majority of people, it was like, kind of, what’s wrong with you? Like, why aren’t you talking to me? Like, just say the thing. And they couldn’t understand and they couldn’t hold that space.
And it was as confusing to them as it was to me. Like, I had no idea why that was the case. Um, And in that I felt so much rejection, abandonment. It was strengthening beliefs and stories around like, I’m not good enough. I’m never going to find love. There’s something wrong with me. It just kept getting stronger because I kept having more and more evidence to prove that I’m just never going to be the one for someone.
I’m not going to find that person for me. I’m going to be alone forever. Um, and so. And there was a lot of heartache in that, because I did have this deep desire for the fairy tale, and the great love, and the intimacy, and the connection, and spiritually growing together, and having that sacred sexuality.
Like I had these deep desires, um, but it just felt like it was so far, um, away. And kind of going even prior to that, like I remember even like in school years, I was just not able to. Get a word out. Like it was just that constant tightening at the throat. Um, I could barely say hello to someone. Um, but I had these big dreams and I had these big aspirations.
Like I could see myself speaking on stage. I remember when I started like my, um, it wasn’t quite starting actually. It was almost like reconnecting. Like there was a, an opening to spirituality. And then there was like this period of kind of shutting down and going. Like kind of in that dark night of the soul.
And then when I was resurfacing, I started to go to some personal development seminars and retreats. And I would sit in the seat, unable to express, putting my hand up was just not even like a thing that was just never going to happen. I had this incredible, like fear and anxiety, like I was going to be called upon and I would like, kind of think like, what am I going to say?
What am I going to say? And I would rehearse. And this is what I did a lot in conversations with people rehearsing, what could I say? But then when it came to time to speaking. it just wouldn’t come out. And I felt a lot of shaming, self shaming in that, but I also had external shaming in that when I would get completely choked up, um, and blamed for not participating and not playing full out.
Like, we want you to play full out. And then when I literally couldn’t, cause I was in a trauma response, I actually felt shamed for that. Um, And I would just have these visions of being on stage and speaking about what I was passionate about, creating this business that I’ve actually now built today. Um, But it just felt so far away.
I was like, this is just not going to happen for me. And I just felt the weight of that. It was excruciating. It was so painful, and I just kept getting these constant feelings and stories of, it’s not going to happen for me. I’m not cut out for this. I’m not good enough. I’m never going to be able to do this.
So even trying to do a prerecorded video was just, I couldn’t even look in the camera. Like I remember sitting at the park, just like looking at my phone and like, like nothing would come out. So I would look away and I would just kind of talk about stuff. And when I’d listened to it back, I’m like, Oh my God, that sounds horrible.
Um, I could never show anyone that. Um, and then like fast forward to today, it’s like, How am I even doing what I’m doing today? Like, I kind of have to almost pinch myself a little bit, like, the relationships here, the businesses here, like, speaking to so many people, supporting people on their journey, um, to their, like, into their full expression, to their authenticity, um, it’s pretty mind blowing.
it really is so interesting how you are at the spot now with having the relationship, having the career, putting yourself out there, yet it was It was so debilitating at the beginning and I really appreciate how descriptive you were about like that tightening at the throat and how suffocating it felt and how much you really physically could not speak.
Because I think it’s something a lot of people can relate to and if you haven’t experienced it. Then you have no idea that it is that Depilitating for someone because I have had that experience myself and I talked about it on another podcast episode But
I was being confronted with something and what they’re saying was just not accurate at all And I physically couldn’t speak like inside of me wanted to like scream out like no This isn’t it but I just I physically couldn’t And it’s so hard when you’re in that and like you touched on, there tends to be that like negative thought spiral that goes along with it and you start beating yourself up.
Why can’t I do this? What’s wrong with me? I want these things. Like, why can’t I do this? And it’s really hard moving through that.
Uh, you did touch on getting into different personal development, seminars, and different things like that, having those experiences there. Uh, was there a turning point for you, or was it kind of this slow unraveling of being able to speak more and more?
What was that transition period like?
Hmm, I feel like it’s both. And I feel like there’s also multiple turning points and things that finally, like, gave that shift, like, that pivot. Um, The initial awakening into spirituality was huge and it just brought this light into my being, like knowing that there’s something possible, like there’s possibility, there’s, there is a lifeline is what it felt like.
Like my initial spiritual awakening felt like a lifeline because I was in a pretty dark place. Um, so that was kind of like, that was a massive turning point. Like that completely changed the trajectory. Um, and that just started by, Looking into some spiritual books and just kind of getting started there, looking into the law of attraction, um, the secret.
And it just, it brought hope like there’s hope for me. And that sparked something in me that I was like, I was no longer in just this deep dark hole. Like there was a light. And I felt so guided and even when I felt like I lost that, like I went into the descent of the dark night of the soul and I was like, Oh my God, where’s my light?
And like, where’s, where’s all like that, um, that high that I was experiencing from the initial awakening? Um, there was still like this knowing and this hope and this, like, I know there’s more to life and I, I’m going to find my path. I’m going to figure this out. Like there was a knowing that lit up within me and it allowed me to put one foot in front of the other again and again and again.
Um, from there I, I pretty much became like, in a sense, like addicted to this work to like learning and growth, personal development, spiritual development, growth, all of, all of this beauty, all of this magic. Um, and so I was reading and reading and It felt like things were slightly shifting, but it wasn’t quite like, it wasn’t almost like long lasting.
Like I just kind of felt like I was floating back and forth and nothing really was shifting to the extent that I wanted it to. So yes, there were little shifts, but it was like, I’m still not quite feeling that shift where I’m creating the life that I’m envisioning. And. Those personal development seminars and retreats that I went to, they played a part in my journey.
Um, but it’s like something was missing still and it was actually when I found Breathwork that it was like, oh, like that massive, like finally, something that is working, something that works for me, something that really gets to the depth of my being, rather than just the mind. I love the mind. I love it.
Analyzing and exploration and the possibility with working with mind, but there was something deeper I was searching for breath work, allowed me to come into the body and to finally feel what I had been running from, and I didn’t even know I was running from it. All of the avoidance of being in the mind to avoid feeling the intense emotions that I didn’t know how to be with.
When I found Breathwork, I was really blessed to find a mentor and a facilitator that was really really deeply embodied. Um, and she felt like this, this elder, this grandmother, this wisdom that emanated from her being was just so captivating and so supportive and just hit me so, so deep. And she was so supportive.
And it was the first time I felt like my experience was welcome. I didn’t feel shamed. I didn’t feel judged. I was trying to rush my process, um, and kind of just. um, how to get to forgiveness and just, like, let it go. And she was like, no, we’re not there yet. And she brought me in and she supported me to feel the depth of pain and to find my no, to find that expression and not of my no.
And that was just amazing. Um, yeah, I think the combination of the breath work and it also brought in a lot of movement and sound, um, really opened up all my channels. And with the biodynamic breathwork specifically, you work through the belts of tension, which is closely correlated with the chakras. Um, but all of that in conjunction with working with this woman.
I don’t feel like I would have had. The depth of experience if it wasn’t for her and her ability to hold me through that journey. There are amazing mentors. So it’s not saying she’s the only one, but she’s definitely a pivotal part of my journey. Um, I’ve also heard from a lot of people that They didn’t quite have that experience that they’ve done breathwork trainings, and they didn’t have the experience I’m talking about.
And so that’s why I wanted to bring that in here. It really is about finding that person that you resonate with that can really hold and support you. And that’s what I found with being in this work of supporting others. When I met her, I was like, that’s what I want to do. That’s how I want to hold people.
Those are the spaces I want to create with such deep safety and holding and presence. Um, and what I find the people that I work with, the ones that really get the most out of it, the ones that really resonate with me, with my story. Um, there’s that feeling of you get me, there’s a feeling of safety. Um, there’s a trust that you build in that.
And. There’s that feeling of like creating that safe container that really allows people to go to that depth. Cause yes, we can do a lot of this work for ourselves. We can do breathwork, um, self practices and they’re amazing and so encouraged. But when you’re in a space with someone and being held, you go to a whole new level.
Even like with us, when we’ve worked together, when I’ve been by you, I just go to a depth that doesn’t feel quite as reachable doing it on my own. I can go to some pretty deep places on my own now because of that continuous practice I’ve done over the years, but when you’re held by someone that you trust and that you resonate with, the places you can go are pretty Magical.
So definitely that’s been a massive shift and allowing myself to be held and supported. So continuing that work since the breathwork of doing the deep embodiment work, um, and connecting with sisters and mentors. really feel like, oh, I can let go with you. I can really trust you to hold me because I’ve been held by people that I don’t feel that level of safety, resonance and trust.
And then I’ve connected with some amazing, um, people and especially women, um, that I’ve really felt safe to hold me.
Absolutely. Space holder and creating that safe container makes a world of a difference and not all space holders and coaches or breath workers are the same. Like you can feel the difference and when you are being held by someone who is skilled at what they’re doing, can relate to you, have that presence and really support you in going deep.
It takes you to completely different levels than I’ve ever done myself, even if it’s something as simple as life practices. Like
I find there’s a big shift when you’re doing it with someone holding that space compared to doing it on your own and I’m all about personal at home embodiment practices and different things like that.
And when you’re going into breath work or coaching and all of these different things like you can self reflect the shit out of things on your own doing all of this stuff and You’re going to be able to be taken to a completely different place when you have someone who really knows what they’re doing and can hold you in that safe, contained way.
Because I think when you have that kind of dynamic, that person is holding you so you are able to let go because when you’re going through it on your own, like you’re going through it, you have to automatically think there’s a portion of you that is stuck in your head trying to figure out what to do next, what to go through, and when someone is able to walk you through that and hold you through it, you can just soften.
You feel safe. You’re able to just kind of surrender in the process and go through this deep shit and sometimes you’re unearthing some gnarly shit and it, it’s not the prettiest and you need to be with the right person to do that
and how incredible that one example that you brought up with your mentor where you’re like, I can’t remember exactly what it was, but I think it was like, you’re ready to forgive this thing and move on and you’re like, I’m ready to do.
And she’s like, no, we need more time. You’re not there yet and to have someone that in tune with you to like call you out on that in the right way and give you the space to just feel because you need to get out of your head and just feel it and face it to be able to move through it and There’s no ticking the boxes with that.
Like it really does take time. We go at our own pace and that’s one thing I liked about you sharing about your whole journey. There was a whole lot of ups and downs throughout that. It’s not like you’re on this clear trajectory of like, okay, I’m going to reclaim myself, show up as my authentic self. And here we go.
And it just keeps getting better. Like, no, it doesn’t work like that. Normally you’re going to have that big gusto, that like, big energy going into it, get that high you talked about when spirituality really created those shifts and that high, that newness, that honeymoon phase fades away. And then once you get into the shadow work or all of these different things are coming up because they need to be on earth and you need to be able to cut things out of your life and change your behaviors and the tower moments happening and shit’s crumbling around you like It’s hard, it’s not a fun process, and when you get out the other end, it’s absolutely worth it, and there’s going to be more work to do.
Yeah, totally. And I feel like, with my mentor, with the, kind of, around the forgiveness, it, it really gave me the permission to be in the anger, Of the injustice that I experienced and the, um, the violation because what I was working through, which actually wasn’t intentional. It actually was just what was ready to come through.
And so there was a level of like, I was going into this with kind of some idea of what I wanted to get out of it, but what was ready to come through and ready to be healed and integrated is what came up. And actually, um, what was surfacing was a sexual trauma that I had experienced. And so I was kind of like, I just want to forgive and let go like that.
Just like move on because I don’t want to feel the pain. And yeah,
she was able to lovingly guide me Deeper into my body and being to really feel the depth of pain to find my fire and my anger, because in that forgiveness, it was almost like this sense of collapse, um, where she helped me to find my fight and my strength and my power and my no and my voice.
I really felt a reclamation of my voice. The very first session on day one, I could I couldn’t make any sound. Everyone was making sounds around me and I was really overwhelmed by that because I wasn’t used to such raw expression. And then by, I think it was, um, it was only actually probably a couple days in that I was already, like, getting more sound out.
And by then, by like, I think day maybe four or five, it was just like, ah, like it was just, it was coming out. Like it was just releasing. And I was like, Holy shit. Is that even me? Like I felt so altered state of consciousness, like being in this depth of experience, like I was not in the mind anymore. I was just full primal in my body, screaming, yelling no.
And I was like, this was impossible for me, like five days prior.
Like this was just not going to happen. And then just like that, like. With the right mentor and the right support. There was a lot of support at this retreat as well. It wasn’t just one facilitator. She had a team. Um, and we also partnered up.
So we had like a partner sitting with us the whole time. They didn’t leave. And then the other, the facilitators would walk around and support. So there was a lot of holding in this space. And I remember this one session when I found my no and I found my scream and my roar. Like there was this tremor that started to move through my body and someone was playing, um, the drum over my body.
All of a sudden, like sunny days, all of a sudden there was a thunderstorm outside and it was just like thunder and energy. Felt like I wasn’t even on the mat anymore. I was just having this massive release, but it was so I was so present, like I was in my body the whole time. I didn’t dissociate, I was really present.
Um, dissociation was a, a huge tendency of mine. I was so in it and just releasing. Um, so yeah, like that kind of, no, we’re not at forgiveness yet. Let’s come into that fight. And finding my voice and my ability to say no massively changed my world. Um hmm. I feel like there was. Something else I was going to respond to, but yeah, that just felt really important to share.
But yeah, it’s definitely, it’s definitely a journey, just like you, what you were sharing, like there’s this high and the honeymoon phase ends, and then it’s like that descent, and it is a continuous journey. I still feel like there’s so much more available to me. I don’t feel like I’m done at all. Um, that’s why I say it’s kind of like, yeah, there’s been these pivotal points, but also it’s what I did in between.
It was every step that I took. It was my self practice. It was the times where I abandoned my self practice. It was the times when I abandoned self practice. Spirituality and was like, no, it doesn’t work. And then it was the times that I came back and it’s all just like this pendulation I notice, and I really connect to of like dipping in and resourcing, dipping in and resourcing, um, and moving within your own capacity.
So I’ve noticed that the more that I’ve worked with mentors and coaches and support, The faster that I’ve been able to move through some pretty deep layers, the more expansion I’ve been able to experience, the more reclamation of my voice I’ve been able to experience. When I didn’t have that support, it was much easier to kind of fall off the deep end, if that makes sense, like to kind of go back into old ways and old cycles and to go into avoidance and distraction and kind of what felt like losing myself.
The past. I’d say probably about, yeah, probably the past five years I’ve worked more and more with mentors and support, and it’s just been pretty tremendous, um, the shifts that I’ve experienced in that.
Yeah, it’s just hearing that really pivotal experience, it sounds like, within that, um, breath work. Um, I’m not quite sure the right word, but a few days in and the drums are going all over you.
Like what an incredible experience and it just, there’s so many things that it really goes to show. Like the willingness to do the work, being held by the right person in the right space, how impactful breath work itself is and just getting out of your mind and into your body and.
Being willing to just feel the shit.
So much comes out of all of those things because when we just stuff things down and try to keep chugging along and doing the things and not feel the bad things show up the way we need to We are Withholding ourselves from that passion, that intensity, that no, as well as all of the wonderful highs as well.
Yeah. Those no’s, that passion is so important to be able to put in place, to say no for the things that aren’t working so we can plug those energy leaks and really be able to move through life in that aligned way. And that comes from being in tune with your authentic self. Self being in tune with your voice and then you have more space to do the things you want to do to live life the way you want to end up being able to speak, be in touch with your no, have your relationship, have the business, all of those different sorts of things.
Uh, so I’m curious if you’d be open to touching on kind of pivoting. Heard of these great experiences and how impactful it’s been for you where you’re at in the beginning and Where you’re at in the beginning with your relationship I do think it was really interesting how when you’re friends it was more easygoing you could chit chat and all the things But when something was on the line When it became real And, oh, there’s something to this now.
There’s more riskiness to this. I’m more vulnerable if I do speak and I’m judged. It’s going to hurt a lot more. So that’s when those walls really came up. But now, having done this work, like, what are the impacts you’ve noticed within your relationship?
Yeah. Uh, I love relationships. Like, I love talking about it.
I love the work around it. I feel so passionate about relationships and also the inner child work, because I feel like that’s been a big piece to shifting so much in my relationship with Liam. And it ripples out into every relationship, but I notice the more inner child integration work that I do. The more I am able to be embodied in my woman, rather than almost what felt like being trapped in my girl, in my inner child.
Um, being really reactionary and triggered and like emotionally charged, shut off, armored up, like kind of ready to fight or flee or freeze, like very stuck in those cycles. So as I really delved into that, The underworld, the shadow work, the inner child integration, like really meeting the icky, sticky, uncomfortable, deep emotions, the repression, the suppression, all of the stuff, and really what pushed me to go to those deep levels was, like, the intensity that I was experiencing in my relationship.
Like it brought up so much stuff from the get go. Like it was, we had some sort of a honeymoon, like there was a lot of passion, a lot of intimacy, a lot of aliveness there. But there was so much stuff coming up from the beginning. Like it was pretty messy that first year. Um, and I feel like that second year, What really shifted was I actually became pregnant and it was like this, this knowing of it, it’s time like to go within, to meet those deeper levels.
Um, it almost felt like I went into this kind of almost like an incubation myself. Like I was in this space of what’s here and this deep reflection and doing the deep embodiment work. Um, and in that I became aware of, Of what my triggers revealing to me with what inner children were present, the wounds and how they had impacted me.
Like this awareness opened up this gateway, um, to deep transformation and deep healing. There was a lot of like radical self responsibility that I also needed to take because there was a lot of victim and blaming and projection. So when that self responsibility, I reclaimed my power. And so, What happened is this kind of relationship where there was a lot of, um, what’s the word?
Volatility. And it was just trigger, trigger, trigger, shut down, then like a kind of passion and then like fieriness and then wanting to flee. It just started to feel more secure. secure in myself and that, but like that security in myself was the foundation to creating more security in my relationship.
And so even when those triggers came up, cause it didn’t just disappear when I wanted to flee, when I wanted to fight, I was able to hold space for it. And like, it was like, there’s no clarity in the emotional wave, take the time to ride that wave and be with the emotion. So rather than kind of wanting, like being impulsive with my reactions, like maybe I want to fix it, or maybe I just want to run and flee and break up, uh, rather than kind of being overwhelmed by that, I was able to bring more presence, love and compassion into the process.
And really feel my way through it. So let me be with this before I make any decisions. I’d come out the other side and I’m like, Oh, there’s less rubble like from the tornado explosion. There’s less like shit to clean up. Um, there’s less like, Disconnection and harm that was created. That was what was happening in the past, and it created space for us to heal from those first couple of years in the relationship.
All the harm that had been done from that place of unconsciousness. We were now creating spaciousness to be like. Yep. This is what’s coming up for me. Let’s have the conversation. Huge shift from not being able to actually say two words to now being able to talk about pretty deep, vulnerable things and saying, Hey, this is what’s coming up for me.
Oh, this is what’s being triggered. And being able to have that conversation, not from a place of you did this to me. It was like, when you did that, this is what was brought up for me. And I, I, I know that this is like, I didn’t even need to say that this is my responsibility. It was just like a knowing of like, I’m not blaming you.
I’m not expecting you to fix this, but I would like your support. I would like you to hear me. I would like you to be present with me. So that ability to say, Hey, this is what I need. Can you provide that? And starting to create that safe space for myself, but also supporting my partner to create that safe space for me.
And in that, not only was I able to heal. My own wounds. He was also able to heal the wounds that he had. And together we were able to start to really connect her out, authenticity, create wholeness, create magic to have a deeper level of intimacy and connection and love that I didn’t actually know it was possible.
Like, you know, you have these ideas and these like, Oh, fairy tales, shiny, pretty, Oh, that’d be nice.
This was like real. I was like, Oh, this is real life. This is pretty fricking deep. It’s uncomfortable, it’s scary, but I’ve got me. And I know he’s got me. And I’ve got him, and we can really go through that journey together.
That ability to actually commit to the relationship has been quite a challenge of mine because there is that, like, fight flee, that kind of anxious attachment, then, like, avoid, like, just wanting to run because it’s so intense for my nervous system. So that ability to stay and to be here and be present and commit to the relationship and actually to put both feet in, um, Has been a huge journey.
Um, and to finally get there, I’m like, you know what, I’m ready to actually open my heart to let love flow, to create magic and to explore sacred sexuality, like rather than just having sex for like getting the jollies off kind of thing, like having a great time that’s still there. But there’s like a depth of sexuality of like the healing.
that I’ve experienced through sexuality and intimacy has been pretty unreal. The things that I’ve experienced with Liam that I was like, that’s just not going to happen to me by my body doesn’t work that way. It’s probably broken. Um, is what I deemed as like, that’s just not going to happen. It just isn’t in the cards for me.
So in doing this work, our sexuality has expanded. Like, um, I’ve shared on my podcast as well, like the, The podcast itself, like the idea, the, the, um, the logo, the name, like it came through in a sexual experience when it was kind of at that climax and that orgasmic, like explosive energy. And it was just like, boom, like there’s your logo.
And I’m like, I like that followed by hysterical laughter and just like so much heart opening, um, breast orgasm and like orgasmic experiences that I just didn’t even know were a thing until I actually started to meet the sticky, icky, yucky stuff that I just didn’t want to feel. Now there’s like a beauty in it.
When I’m, because I’ve practiced this surrendering into the emotional wave has become so much. Easier and smoother. Not that it’s easy or always smooth, but there’s like an easefulness of like, I know I can handle this. I know I can lean in. I know I’ve got this. And the insight that I receive, the messages, the healing, the beauty, I’ve now realized that nothing is actually good or bad, positive or negative.
It’s all experience. It’s all sensation. It’s all sensational. Um, it’s all magical. And there’s so many gifts in it, even though it’s uncomfortable when we’re in it and there’s still part of me that’s like, Oh, I don’t want to do it again. Like, uh, no, no. And like the resistance that comes up, um, the protective pieces and I’m like, thank you.
Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for loving me that much. You just want to protect me from this pain. Thank you. And, oh, my body just settles and there’s like an ease and I’m like, I’ve got this. So that’s just even like, that’s only a snippet really of what I’ve received from doing this work and that’s what blows my mind.
is that there’s just so much available to us. If only we knew, if only we knew what was on the other side of these processes, these integrations, meeting these deep parts, these deep layers, these deep emotions that were like, I don’t want to touch that. I don’t want to look at it. When we lean in, it’s like, Oh, if you knew what was possible, the magic that’s possible.
We’d be freaking leaping and jumping, like, take me, like, let’s go.
Absolutely, and
I think that’s kind of what starts to happen, that’s where that ease comes, because now you’ve seen how you can just take these big leaps from all the things you learn and begin to embody, and that you’re not gonna die, like, it’s okay to feel these things. Scary things that you want to avoid and then it’s like, Ooh, all right, let’s fucking do it.
Cause like, yes, I want to come out the other side. I know there’s going to be so much growth through this and it’s going to be incredible. And I love everything you touched on because I feel like I say that and I want to shout it from the rooftops all the time, all day long. Because This, this work through doing, healing your inner child, doing the shadow work has this massive ripple effect through your life and how you show up.
And right down to having that, like, creative download and that passionate moment, it’s like, boom, here’s the logo, like, our sexuality is tied to our creativity and I love, I love For me, that’s one of the like bonus side effects of this work is because they are so closely tied when you do this work and begin to be able to soften and surrender and oh, your body can do these things you didn’t even think was possible.
I thought you were broken but oh, turns out you just needed to heal your different protector pieces and your inner child and all these different layers and now you have access to so much more. And it’s one of those things that I think you don’t really know what you’re missing until you have it. And it’s like, wow, I, I was living without this the whole time, like this is possible.
And it really is. And I like what you said at the very beginning of what you were talking about and how healing the inner child, the inner girl allows you to be an embodied woman. Because all of our different triggers and little outbursts or avoidance, all of these different things comes down to our inner child.
And sure there might be experiences later in our teenagehood and adulthood, but generally it can be traced down to our inner child and it’s because that piece is hurting because this piece needs to be protected and when you can heal all of those different layers,
that really is when you can fully embody your woman because you have that inner strength and safety from within and again that comes to the ripple effect. When we do this work when we lead the way from ourselves not trying to fix what’s on the outside. Fix the relationship, fix this situation, whatever it might be But really just look at herself. Let go of that victim mentality. Let go of these different things and really hold herself in it. Own up to her shit and cultivate that sense of safety and strength from within. That’s where that embodied woman comes from. And that’s how we’re able to lead our relationships, have our partners really rise up right alongside us.
And then it just kind of builds this momentum I find where we’re both doing it. And then there can be those different things that come up and it’s like, Oh fuck, we’re in this again. And then as you move through it, it’s like, okay, let’s fucking do this again. Right. And because you keep coming out the other side and Again, you’re not going to die.
The world isn’t going to end. It might be hard, but that other side, there’s just so much magic to it. There really is.
Mm hmm. It’s so true. And as you were sharing what was coming through, it’s like,
do, do we realize how much energy it takes to hold everything together, to hold it all down, to stay composed, to like keep it all at bay?
Like, oh, it’s exhausting. It’s exhausting. And what happens, and we see it instantly, like when, when we guide or when we um, code, when we do an embodiment journey, like I witnessed it. Time and time again, as you release, so as we shed tears or we roar, we scream, or, uh, we move our bodies or we meet these different parts.
We meet the inner child and we support them to come home and to integrate this energy releases. And it’s like what I hear all the time. It’s like, I feel lighter. I feel like there’s more energy moving in my body. Um, there’s space for laughter now, like there’s something that opens up and like unlocks.
The aliveness, the passion inside of ourselves. So we actually, by meeting what we might perceive as the negative emotions or the wound or the pain, we actually unlock, um, The, and where I’m more able to access the joy, the pleasure, the goodness, our authenticity, uh, it’s all inside.
It’s kind of just what I’ve experienced for myself.
It’s like it’s locked away, and what I found for me is as I began to release and experience my joy, my true essence, love, connection, intimacy, It was actually pretty fricking intense. Um, and now what I realized was like, I had been pushing a lot of that away because I didn’t have the capacity to be with that intensity either.
And so I noticed for a large chunk of my life I was pretty numb and like my experience was pretty dull. Like there wasn’t much of this aliveness. Um, and so as I did this work, my capacity to feel more, Expanded so I could, I could receive more. I could experience more. I could feel more pleasure. Uh, I could feel more connection and love.
And recently, like, I’ve had some pretty amazing shifts this year actually. And what I’ve noticed is like that expansion to a whole new level. And just these waves of like, I’m just so in love with life right now. And then the next wave, it’s like. I just feel so much pain and like, like contraction, but I’m not afraid of it anymore.
It’s like, let me hold this with tenderness and compassion and love. And then these waves of in love with life comes back, this excitement, this inspiration. When I even just take some time to tune in, like, ah, I’m noticing, I’m feeling, um, maybe it’s rage or fury, or maybe it’s. pain or grief or sadness or like, ah, I’m not quite where I want to be with the Manifestation or the desire or the intention that I’m working with.
I’m not quite there yet I might feel some sadness and I hold myself in that. I’m not trying to get rid of it I’m not trying to like throw it out like like throwing the baby out with the bathwater kind of thing like get away Like you’re not serving me like That’s what I notice a lot with this work, is we’re like, I have to get rid of what’s not saving me.
I have to just, shoo, like, shoo, and I have to be high vibe and love and light all the time. And for me, that’s just, it was a nice idea in the beginning. I was like, yes, I’m never gonna have to feel pain or bad again. But now for me, that just feels like I’d be missing half of Me, half of the human experience, half of that alive.
It’s like, it would just feel like life isn’t full. For me, it’s actually about embracing all of it and like, There’s actually a part of me that gets really excited about tuning into the underworld and the shadow land. And there’s like a, a pleasure and an arousal and excitement around that are like, let me meet more parts of me.
Let me explore deeper layers. Let me feel the depth of my being. Let me explore my fullest expression and authentic expression in those spaces. And in that, I expand my capacity to go to higher heights, to joy that I didn’t know was possible, like bliss experiences that I didn’t know was possible, like those heightened states that don’t even have words, like it’s just magic.
It’s just out of this world.
It really is. And as someone who has like coached you and been in it with you, that just makes me so happy to hear your willingness to just be in it. And feel the things and go to the depths and even have a bit of turn on like, yes, let’s go here because knowing you’re going to make it through, you get to meet these new parts of you and you’re going to be able to have even greater capacity for the joy, for the bliss, for the magic, the pleasure.
And I really like what you said, um, towards the beginning of that. And that it takes so much energy holding everything together. It really does. And
I think that’s a common complaint of people beginning on in this journey in the early stages. And it’s like, oh, I don’t have time for that. I’m so tired. This and that.
And it’s like, yeah, you are. I get it. I feel you in that. It is fucking tiring holding everything together all the time and that means you need this work even more because we need to be able to let some of that go. You don’t have to hold it all together. You don’t have to be constantly protecting things, keeping the wheels turning, making every, making sure everything is just right and no one’s going to judge and this and that.
It’s fucking exhausting. When you have the power to just let that shit go, uh, that’s where we get that, uh, that exhale that so many of us want is to just lay it in the low to be able to exhale. And that comes through doing this work and being willing to feel the things, to be so in tune with our no. And be willing to say that time and time again when we need to and hold that new standard.
And feel the things, open ourselves up to all the things. I feel like both of us could go on and on about all of this. Uh, as we close things up, I’m wondering if there are any Thoughts or advice or messages or anything like that, that you would like to share to those that are towards the beginning of their journey and learning to really embrace their unapologetic authenticity.
Yeah. Um, something that was coming through just as you were sharing, there was like the amount of clients that I’ve worked with that have said similar things. Um, and then the transformation that I’ve seen, has like happened for them. And what they notice is I feel like I have more time. I feel like I have more energy.
I feel like I’m doing more, but I still have like the spaciousness to like rest. Like, how am I getting more done in less time? Because we’re not spending so much energy holding everything down. Like it actually takes so much out of us. So I just wanted to share that, that, yeah. If you are in a place where it’s like, I don’t have the time or I don’t have the energy, it’s like.
That’s exactly why you got to do this work. That’s exactly why. Often our resistances and our reasons for not being able to do it is the reason why we need to do it. Um, which is quite fascinating when we really feel into, if there is something that you’re contemplating doing, working with a coach, mentor, doing a program, really feeling into, into your heart because your mind will often talk you out of it.
because it wants to stay in the familiar because the familiar has a sense of like, I’m safe here because I know what to expect and I can anticipate and prepare and protect myself from there. And so the mind will all like kind of concoct stories to keep you where you are in the familiar to create a sense of safety to be in the known.
So there is an element of courage and trust and like, yeah, it’s time. To shift this, it’s time to take that next step, feeling into what is that next step for me. I highly recommend working with someone wherever you’re at in your journey. Like I will never not work with a coach. Um, I feel like I’m always going to have that support coach mentor sisters tribe.
It’s so important. And it, I learned that the hard way of resisting it for so long. Um, so that’s definitely something I would highly recommend to anyone and everyone, like work with someone, um, find the person that you resonate with. Um, and start, even if it’s like, I’m not sure it’s like by making that decision to try it out, you’ll find if that’s the right mentor or the right teacher or the right coach for you.
So I don’t believe there’s a wrong or right decision because you can always learn something. Maybe it’s. starting with something smaller like listening to these podcast episodes really being immersing yourself in the energy, um, reading a book that resonates. Like, so there’s different things you can do in regards to kind of coming more into that authentic expression, that authentic self.
Hmm. Hmm. Even like, just not starting to notice like, If you’re here listening to this podcast episode, you’re already, you’re already on the journey. You’ve already begun. And so I invite you to really connect to what is coming up for you in this episode. What is coming up for you each day? Like taking that time to tune into yourself, to reflect, to get curious.
Where there’s curiosity, judgment cannot exist. And so a lot of us on this journey, I noticed a lot of self judgment, a lot of self shaming, a lot of self abandoning. Can we just start to take those? What seems like like small steps, but they’re actually huge because there’s a lot of people that aren’t doing these because it does actually take that courage to lean into meeting yourself because more often than not, you’re going to find some things that you don’t like.
You’re going to feel some things you don’t like. And that takes a lot of courage. So taking those steps to like just tune in and what I mean by tune in is like in the morning say to yourself Hey, how are you today? Hey, what do you need today? What will support you today? What feels an alignment? What’s something I can do for me today?
Noticing if there’s a resistance to doing that for yourself to meeting your needs prioritizing your needs not shaming it wrongy or judging it Just noticing bringing curiosity into your life is important Is a massive game changer. When I started to really devote myself to the practice of compassionate curiosity, massive game changer, everything changed for me.
So when I’m in judgment, it’s like, let me get curious here. And you’ll notice the energy shifts straight away. So keep immersing yourself, um, in podcasts like these, listening to these conversations, noticing what’s coming up for you, um, journaling and reflecting on that. a few things that you can do to get started.
Even the practice of journaling is a form of expression. You’re getting your expression out on paper. So if verbally expressing feels like I can’t reach that, I can’t access that right now. Journaling is a really good access point. I noticed with journaling initially I’d put pen to paper and it’s like, I don’t even know what to write.
I don’t even know where to start. That’s literally what I wrote. I don’t know what to write and that opened up the portal That allowed more to pour through and all of a sudden I’ve written two pages and like where did that come from? Put pen to paper and just see what happens I don’t know what to write and then all of a sudden you’re writing and it just opened something up
It really does journaling was That was the beginning for me and that’s actually something I had throughout my teenage years when I really couldn’t talk. Journaling was my outlet and I carried that through and that’s kind of what I revisited for my reclamation of figuring out who I was again. It really started with that because that’s that self reflection, that’s that curiosity and I have fully been there of writing out, I don’t know what to write right now.
It just, it opens things up, like just do gibberish if you need to and it does open things up and you’re able to begin to channel whatever needs to come up, will come up. And I really loved that compassionate curiosity and the way you spoke about that and how through curiosity there’s no room for judgment.
I haven’t heard anyone phrase it quite like you did. And it’s so true. When we can just get curious, and I think this is true for ourselves, and it is also very helpful in our relationships as well. When we start to have judgments of either how we are or how they are, when we can pause and just get curious about it, that’s where that compassion really begins to come through, and it’s such a shift.
in your mindset, in your presence, and how you relate with yourself and others when you can come through that compassionate curiosity. So thank you so much for sharing that, I really like how you phrased that. Um, because you’re amazing and of course, everyone listening is going to want to check you out. I know you have some different things going on.
You have your podcast, you have a group program coming up that I’m actually going to be doing some guest workshops for, which I’m excited for. Can you share a little bit more about what you have going on and where people can find you?
Yeah. Um, Facebook, Instagram, my handle is, um, at Monique Carmela dot love.
So you can definitely come check me out over there. Um, my website, moniquecarmela. com podcast, the good girl unleashed podcast. Um, so I post quite regularly on these different platforms. Um, and yeah, I do have an amazing program and it feels like so much Bigger than a program to me like to me. It’s like this initiation.
It’s a rites of passage. It’s like coming home to your authentic self. It’s going into the underworld together with mentors and sisterhood. Um, it’s really creating that safe container to do this deep work and it’s actually going to be a 12 month journey. And, um, previously I’ve only really done like smaller programs, but.
As I’ve, like, gone deeper and deeper into my own work, I’m like, we need a bigger container for those that are really ready to delve in, to, to dive in, to go into the underworld, to do that deeper work, to really come home. And there’s so many amazing conversations in there, but also the embodiment journeys.
We get to really do the work rather than just talk about it. I love talking and teaching and all these conversations are amazing and so, um, important and essential. But that embodiment journey, that embodiment aspect is also really essential, which is where the truth comes out. shift happened for me on my journey, not just receiving the information, but integrating it, embodying it.
Um, and so that’s called the embodied woman experience, which was quite fascinating how naturally that came up in conversation today of like that journey of girl to embodied woman. Um, I ran a masterclass recently, actually, that, Is talking about this of that journey from girl to woman, and that’s still accessible.
So it’s free to get access at the moment. It’s only available for a limited time. So if it is something you want to explore a little bit more deeply, um, yeah, I can share the link for that. Um, and yes, Janine’s going to be doing some amazing guest workshops. We’ve got some other, um, guest facilitators and speakers in the space.
So I’m just so excited to have a co creative space. Um, yeah. Yeah. And so that begins, The Embodied Woman begins August 1st.
It really does sound incredible. There is so much to that 12 month container, that’s like what we went through with Vida. You really have the space to go to the depths, to create those big transformations that you’re just not able to do in the smaller containers. The smaller containers are great for what they are, and there’s this different kind of magic within the 12 month container.
So, uh, for those interested, we’ll have the links for all of the things down in the show notes. Thank you so much for your time. I have loved this conversation as per usual. We keep getting together on podcasts. I’ve been on yours twice now and now being able to have you on mine and it’s always such a joy.
So thank you for joining me again to be able to share about this, all of this ripple effect, this passion. How Hmm. Deeply impactful. This work is. Thank you.
Yeah. What an honor. Thank you so much for having me.
Thank you for joining us inside the Unapologetic with Janine McKinnon podcast. I hope you enjoy today’s episode. If you feel called, I would so appreciate it if you shared about this episode in your stories or left us a review to help us reach more women on their unapologetic journey. As a thank you for your support, you’ll be entered into our monthly draw for free.
free coaching session, just tag at Janine dot McKinnon in your story shares or leave the rating or review, screenshot it and email to Janine at unapologetic motherhood. com to be entered. One lucky winner is selected every month for a focused coaching session to support you in working towards your current desires.
Until next time, trust your inner wisdom and create some magic.