Join Dominique D’Vita and I as we dig into all things Tantra and Taoism from awakening your kundalini, to upgrading your software and inner belief systems, to alchemizing your emotions, and using sound and movement to expand your pleasure, and so much more!

This is a fun and jam packed episode you’re not going to want to miss.

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Learn More About Dominique

As a Trauma-Informed Master Coach, Certified Tantra Educator, & Registered Nurse, I’m a healer. Labels aside, I save & transform lives. I believe that by blending science & spirituality, we can better understand our bodies, respect ourselves, & deepen our connections with our partners.

That’s why I use a holistic approach in coaching to focus on harnessing the power of your body to master self-love. Ultimately, this self-love leads us to experience the pure bliss of soulful, connected love.

BASICALLY, I’M THE COACH WHO TEACHES YOU HOW TO GET OFF THE BEST WHILE GETTING THE MOST OUT OF LIFE.

⁠⁠https://yestantra.com/

Transcript

Hello and welcome back to another segment of Unapologetic Stories on the Unapologetic with Janine McKinnon podcast. Today I am here with Dominique DeVita from Yes Tantra. Thank you for being here with me. It’s always a pleasure. Lovely to see you again. Yeah, it’s such a nice, almost full circle moment for me.

We first spoke, I want to say it was like three ish years ago, somewhere around there, and you were actually the first conversation I had with someone around Tantra. So, fast forward, I have now done my training with a strong foundation in Tantra and Taoism, and I’m doing coaching as well, just like you, so it’s really neat to see how things have shifted and being able to see you grow within your coaching practice and what you do as well.

Oh, I love that. I love that for you. Definitely full circle moment and I’m glad to be a part of your journey like that when you were getting started and having that interest that you continued. So that’s really beautiful. Congratulations.

Oh, thank you. And thank you for sparing that in me.

Yeah.

And what really gravitated me into the world of Tantra from our conversation is how it takes sexuality so much more than sex and orgasms or masturbation and how it really weaves in the energetics into things.

And that’s what’s so powerful for me is how it really gets us in touch with our energy bodies, with connecting with other humans, being able to use our sexual energy as life force energy and really be able to use it as nourishment for ourselves. So I would love it if you wanted to just kind of expand on that and what that means for you and what you like to share about.

No, definitely. I’d love to. When I first began with Tantra, well, prior to that, I just really didn’t understand about the energetic exchange that was happening between me and my lovers. And when I understood things about Tantra, a lot of people think Tantra is more of a, maybe a carefree or careless way of approaching sexuality, but actually it got me to be much more intentional.

And then I can see like, oh, okay, my, I’m exchanging energy, you know, think. S sacred e energy X exchange. I’m literally exchanging and sharing energy with that other person. And so then that had me have more of a reverence for it in the past. I know in the Bible, it would be like, you know, your body is your temple.

And I was just like, Oh, they’re just trying to be party poopers and keep me from having my fun. And then when I realized, and I had this deeper understanding of the energetics, I was like, Whoa, okay, now I understand even sometimes when I would. Maybe have a hookup or be with someone that was having a lot of emotional challenges.

Maybe hadn’t been doing their inner work or dealt with some of their traumas and seeing them and being with them. And you know, they’re presenting, you know, I’m meeting the representative and they are wearing that mask and they’re hiding behind a facade and trying to on the outside appears if everything is okay, but inside there’s, they’re having turmoil.

Maybe they don’t have a deep love for themselves. Maybe there’s some wounding from a past relationship or mother father wound. And then I’m feeling those energies like the day later. So I’m wondering why did I feel off? Why did I feel like a little blah today? What is going on? And then just realizing making connecting those dots of like, Oh, what is their energy going on as well?

You know, because we are like vibrating energetically. That’s a frequency. And people can get like, Oh, you know, you’re like, you can’t see the energy, but we can’t see energy in our homes. But we know as long as we pay the bill, if we switch the light on, the energy is going to be there. So we might not see it, but can, we can definitely feel that energy from another person.

Like just think Janine of, you know, when someone walks into a room. And they can shift the energy of that room, depending on what their energy is. Some people walk into a room and they’re so magnetic and you’re just drawn to them. And you’re like, I want to meet that person or be around that person. Or someone else, their energy and the way they’re carrying themselves can be like, Oh, okay, I want to steer clear of that person.

So, you know, energy is really something that we share, and we just need to be intentional and aware of how it’s impacting us.

Absolutely. I really like relating that energy concept and how it’s like, Oh, like it’s not real. Is it real? And it is, as you mentioned, we can sense it. We can feel it when we walk into a room, whether it’s someone who’s very magnetic, we’re drawn to them.

Or even if some, if it’s very dark and perhaps there’s been some sort of turmoil, some sort of conversation, some fight going on or grief, you walk into that room, you can feel it too. Like you can cut the tension with the knife, but there’s also like radio frequency. We can’t see it at all, but yet we have these different kind of devices that can tap into it and they pull like these things out of the air that converts into music and that’s It’s all energy.

And just like the wind too, like we don’t see it, but we know it’s real. We can feel it and we can feel energy as well. It’s, yeah, it’s all real. We’re very energetic beings. I really like how, um, oh, I Dr. Joe Dispenza is so great at explaining energy from that like masculine more scientific background to it and I like how he explains the kundalini awakening which can seem like such an odd topic for some and I guess I’ll just touch on it real quick for those listening that kundalini awakening is where you really have your chakras in balance.

And you awaken that sexual life force energy, that Kundalini energy, this other level. And it actually shoots right up into your pineal gland. And so Dr. Joe explains, it’s like an orgasm going on in your head. And it awakens this part of you and really expands your electromagnetism. And there, it sounds, it can sound very out there.

Yet, it is scientifically backed. There is this fluid that is stored in the base of our spine, and it has been measured to go up into our pineal gland, and we can measure our electromagnetism and see the shifts of it. So, this energy really is very real and very

potent. Yeah, it definitely is. And, you know, whenever I had my first partner that had studied Tantra and everything, I had my first, you know, I had a kundalini awakening, I had what I called, it felt to me like a soulgasm is the only way I could think of to describe it.

And then years later, when I’m studying the, I’m reading books with, uh, by Osho, he actually makes a reference and uses the word soulgasm and I was like, Oh, okay, that’s the thing. I thought I came up with that on my own because that was just the only way I knew how to describe it. Because it was just that orgasm was so deep, it wasn’t like superficial, like a lot of whenever we have superficial, um, connections, hookups with people, it’s such on a surface level, and it’s more of a shallow thing, right?

Because we’re approaching it, we’re in the shallow waters, and it’s just like going, getting out of the kiddie pool, like going into the deep waters and into the depths, and seeing what’s fully available for us to experience. And I was with this lover two nights in a row when we had like these extended, you know, pleasure moments where I was having moments of bliss and everything for a period of hours and that continued to raise, and I didn’t even know about Tantra, what was happening from that level, but it just was experiencing in my body and then that pleasure continued to raise up through from my sex organs all the way up through My centers to the top of my head and that’s my third eye open.

And I felt like I, you know, had like Joe talks about the brain gasm. You could just feel that energy rising up and then just my awareness. Like, it’s like I came online. I think sometimes we have been, I feel like when we were born, we’re tapped into our energy and our power, but all of the programming and the conditioning.

Our education system is more of a programming system. They don’t really educate us with the things that will help us be best in life. They are training us to be good robots and to be good citizens and to follow rules. You know, they really kind of break our spirit. If you see the way the school system has been set up.

And then we continue that with our adult relationships. And our parents experience that and those generational traumas. And that messaging and programming keeps being passed down. And these expectations of society. And, you know, we’re kind of like walking around like sleepwalking, you know, in a way it was just like, we really don’t know our full capacity to experience things.

And then all of a sudden it’s just like, all of a sudden I had this awareness and my lover even told me, you know, part of this is really going to piss you off because now that you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it. And I couldn’t like put my head in the sand and play dumb to the things that were. Playing around me.

And then I was, you know, it does frustrate you when you realize, you know, I could have been navigating my life in a much better way if I had been given these tools much younger to really tap into my energy. And we, Janine, so often we’ll think about our devices. We think about our phones like I need to charge up my phone, my battery, you know, my battery is running low, but we don’t pay attention to our energy.

Like, where do we need to charge ourselves up? And are we constantly leaking our sexual energy by using it in ways that aren’t like in alignment for us? We’re using it for either ego validation. We’re using it to get maybe a tent. We’re attention seeking, but we’re not truly having that connection with the other person or with self pleasuring.

We’re not truly connected with ourselves. So knowing how to connect, like plug in, right. Knowing how to have a connection. And then being able to share that energy with a lover and circulate it through breath and through our chakras and just have that merging of our energies. We can be charging each other up or charging ourselves up when we know how to do these practices.

Yeah, it really is so cool once you get into it and it is like that light switch. Like, it’s, it’s very sudden when you just become awake to yourself, to everything else that’s going on. And, I know for me, like,

 

 

I was very much in the exhausted mom, hot mess mom narrative. Just being tired all the time, resentful, like, giving myself away.

Um, and just living through the day to day in survival mode and feeling like, Survival was the norm and commiserating on Instagram and having my feed filled with other moms sharing the same experiences and I was fully in that and that was part of what put me on the path to reclaim myself and that’s how I found Sacred Sexuality and it was like this switch just went off and I expanded my capacity to feel, to experience, to be open to things.

And that’s where I think. Like sacred sexuality and working with this energy is, again, so much more than what we might think of, what people might snicker at, of, oh, it’s just sex, it’s, oh, it’s just these different things. No, your presence and the way you perceive things is completely different. The way you’re able to connect with others, yes, in these beautiful, expansive, pleasurable experiences, And in your day to day as well, because you’ve trained yourself in these moments, you’ve opened yourself up to it.

 

 

 

And then you also show up differently when you’re hanging out with your friends, or with your, when you’re with your kids, or whatever those different things might be. And I like that you touched on that like, Plugging in your phone. Metaphor. Because I was just talking about that with someone recently.

 

 

 

 

It’s very rare that people will let their phone die. You’re very on top of like monitoring that battery, making sure you plug it in, fill it, charge it up. All of those different things, you know, when it comes to ourselves. It’s, it’s the norm in society to just be blinking red, about to be shutting down, barely able to make it, but yet you’re still chugging along, still doing the things, not doing anything about it.

And our energy is the most important thing in how we lead our lives. We can’t do all of the things we do. Without our energy and our thought patterns and all of that plays a big role of it in it but we also don’t have the capacity to rewire that programming you were talking about and Change our belief systems and open our things up to things If we have no energy to do it either and so it really does Start with us being able to manage our batteries and being able to recharge them and pleasure is an incredible way of doing that

 

 

 

Yeah, it definitely is.

And then for males also, if they’re constantly and frequently ejaculating, they’re draining their life force energy. You know, you’ve studied the Taoist practice as well, and that’s why they believe in Taoism. Taoism, they believe that the reason that the lifespan for males is shorter than for women because of the frequent ejaculation, because you’re constantly draining.

So if you’re, have an addiction to watching adult videos, or you’re mindlessly doing this several times a day, you’re just constantly draining your life force energy instead of knowing how to cultivate it, how to increase that energy, how to store and build it up and have like that reserve of that. And then with the practices, men being able to have the non ejaculatory orgasm.

So they’re actually charged up and can have full body orgasms in the way that women can. But at this time too, we see a lot of things shifting where Women are choosing celibacy more women are choosing to be with themselves more, but within that also, you know, Tantra is not just for couples. It’s for singles.

It starts there.

 

 

You are your longest lasting relationship from your first breath to your last breath. So knowing how to do these practices on your own and pleasuring yourself because you don’t want to disconnect from this energy, especially within your sacral chakra. That is your creativity. You know, that, that central energy and as women, we have been shamed about that, been labeled as bad girls, you know, or if we’re like feeling ourselves in our, in our juiciness and in that, then sometimes it can even not feel safe because then sometimes we get unwanted attention from men or, you know, other people approaching us.

And so then we are like, okay, that isn’t safe. So we can shut or close that down or. That is, people are judgmental of that. So, okay, let me shut that down and repress it. Or that’s something I don’t do for, you know, we can think about pleasure is something we just do with a lover. Okay. But now if you’re single, what about giving that pleasure to yourself and being able to receive that?

And that’s so great for our energy field, for our aura. And we don’t just have to focus our sexual energy on creating. You know, human life, we can focus on creating a life, our heart desires, so we can use this power, this force that we have to charge up other things that we’re passionate in our lives and also open up and expand and have that healing and start to have this beautiful relationship within ourselves, Janine, because especially when we’re single, if we want to attract a healthier partnership, Someone that we’re attracting really in our relationship, they’re just a mirror reflecting back to us the relationship we have in ourselves.

So when we start to get clear in here and, and increase our magnetism, our aura, like attracts, like we attract better lovers. So I don’t know if you’ve seen this too in the work that you do, but so often the big misconception is, Oh, I’ll start doing that when I have a lover, I’ll start doing that. And that’s what I thought initially too.

And we delay this and this is such a big part of our own personal healing. So if you’re someone that likes to do a lot of self help books and you’re really wanting to figure your emotions out, um, have, you know, have less anger, there are so many things, um, that I’ve benefited from, from this. If you just start to do that with yourself, you’re going to attract better lovers, then you can start to attract and have better relationships.

Um, so it first starts with you. How are you being your own best lover? How much are you willing to receive love and pleasure from yourself?

And

then that allows the universe, you know, and law of attraction, law of vibration to bring someone that’s a match and equal match to that, to you.

Absolutely. And even in partnered relationships too, I work with a lot of married women and it’s like, Oh, my partner is not going to be into this or we’re having issues.

And it’s more of this negative thing. They’ve lost their libido and the thought of having those partnered experiences. There’s a lot of resistance to it. And so it’s being able to work through that. And so even in relationships, I highly recommend starting with your own personal practice first. Yes.

Because it is that personal relationship and when you’re beginning to play with the energetics of Tantra and Taoism and being able to use what I call holistic sound, yeah sorry, holistic sex tools with the sounding and breath and movement, you want to be able to build up your confidence with them on your own.

Because it’s gonna be clunky at first. Whenever we’re learning anything, it can be clunky and awkward. So when you have that safe space within yourself To be able to work with your energy, be able to get in touch with your chakras, be able to let your sound out, to let those sighs and those moans flow as you’re moving, playing with your different breathing patterns.

And then you bring it into the partnered experiences because you feel more confident on your own. You can begin to communicate it a bit better. And even in, like you said, Said, when you are wanting to attract that partner, when you’re single and working with a lodge of attraction and holding yourself within that frequency, I find it mirrors within relationships as well.

And when there can be that disconnection, those different struggles going on, when one person start. It’s with this work. The other one raises to that vibration too. So it can go twofold, whether you’re single or

in longterm relationships. Yeah, exactly. Cause again, they’re a mirror and they’re marrying back to us the relationship we have within ourselves.

And I, I did have a couple as well that the husband didn’t know that she was doing this cause she was concerned, you know, if he would be open minded to it or not. And there were some having some challenges in the relationship and then he started being more attentive. So many things shifted within their dynamic of even how.

They were co parenting their daughter and then he started to be more passionate and doing some of the things that initiating a little more and they, their intimacy started improving, but it just started with her beginning first, you know, and it’s not to put the responsibility only on the woman or only on one person or relationship should be two people, but just know if you start to show up differently in your relationship from a different energy, You’re going to elevate and raise that and shift the energy within your relationship and your dynamics.

So

absolutely taking

that first step.

Yeah, it really is. And it can be scary at first, especially when it’s coming to the world of sexuality. There’s a lot of taboo around it. And that’s why I like to say the greatest transformation comes through the taboo. Because yes, it’s this thing we want to hide away from, shy away from, tuck behind closed doors, avoid in many cases, and when we’re willing to really face that, get up close and personal with it, we have a much greater ripple effect through that compared to other things that aren’t quite as taboo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Similar with that Sounding, I find this really just beautiful, um, crossover when women who are typically like pupil pleasers, who just do what others want them to do, living up to expectations. Often there’s that childhood wounding around, there can be that angry person within the household and not wanting to say anything wrong to tick them off and then that carries through into their adulthood and so learning to be able to use their voice.

And really embrace that within the boundary or within the bedroom, be able to communicate their needs and desires with their partner becomes so much easier to like set boundaries and ask for your wants and needs to just maintain your self care and your energy and other ways.

Yeah, it’s really incredible.

And you know, sound is like a thief. It steals that tension from your body. So for males sound is helpful because. You know, the more attention a man will hold in his body, the faster that he’s gonna ejaculate. And for women, the more attention we hold in our bodies, the more challenging it is to have an orgasm.

So I’ve even worked with people that are new, have a new baby. I had a couple that had a new baby, and they started having challenges in the bedroom, and they weren’t even noticing that part of that was the fact that now that they had this newborn asleep, they were trying to be quiet, so they weren’t using sound or moaning as loud.

And all of a sudden the husband is finishing faster than usual, right? They start to have these challenges and I’m just like, you need to use, you need to use sound, you know, cause that makes everything so much juicier. And so many times when we have like a blockage in our throat chakra and we restrict here, it’s, we’re restricted down below within our sexuality as well.

Yeah. Commonly see that. It’s connected through our vagus nerve and the vaginal canal and the throat actually look quite similar. And when one’s closed, the other’s closed, yeah, and they can open right up together.

Yeah, definitely. It’s really amazing how our bodies are made. Our bodies hold so much power and so much wisdom, and these tools just help you unlock that power and wisdom within yourself.

That we’ve been so programmed. By society to dim our light, uh, to not shine, um, to shy away from being powerful, especially as women to shy away from being empowered. But that’s how we can really create massive change within ourselves and our relationships and, you know, change things within the world around us just by how we’re showing up in all relationships, romantic or not romantic.

Yes. And. What really stands out to me is like that power comes from within. I think so much of society and there’s that exhaustion that we touched on and it’s consuming to fix our problems, to look outside of ourselves for answers, go to the certain experts of education or medical or all of these different things.

But Tantra and Taoism really shifts that to coming into yourself, to get in touch with your intuition, to be able to build trust with your instincts and your different nudges and to come from that place of alignment. And that’s where things really start to blossom and we make that massive impact in the world.

When we hold ourself in that way, when we lead our lives from that place of alignment and what really feels right for us.

Yeah, so true. I love that. I love how you shared that. Yeah, it’s just time to like shine your light and you know, we have to be like these beacons of light because then we can shine our light and allow others to find their ways home too and to find their own truth and be able to speak their truth.

Yeah. Pleasure is also medicine. I’ve been a nurse for decades before I went all in with my taunter coaching and, you know, pleasure is deeply healing. And then, you know, a little over a year ago, I became a certified trauma informed master coach. And what I found so interesting there was the, we went through our trauma modules, the three things that support healing trauma, our breath, our Sound and movement.

And you know, you know, the three tenets of Chantra for over 5, 000 years is also breath, sound, and movement.

So I was

like,

 

 

Oh, no wonder this was so deeply healing for me. And I was someone that avoided, I wasn’t interested in talk therapy for the traumas that I have from my childhood, because I just didn’t like to continue to just ruminate over it and speak about it all the time and just have them listening and not, and it’s just like, I’ve You re you can go back and be really reliving and I’m not diminishing how that can be helpful to some people with that Just was not my path.

I just that didn’t feel helpful to me. And so With Tantra, that’s how I started that healing journey like we can also have such a deep healing through pleasure and Through connecting deeply to our bodies and starting to feel safe in our bodies again Starting to feel our power within our body and being able to To express ourselves and again, like you said, when we open up the chakras and we get connected with our intuition, just having that guidance and being able to drop in.

 

 

 

You know, I recently visited my brother and we hadn’t, we have different mothers. So we have been separated from one another for decades. And he was sharing with me yesterday. He was like, I trust your judgment because when you came out here and spent time with me, I could see your mind clicking, but I could just notice how tuned in you were.

And how you were and how you make decisions or you would decide certain things or I’ll be like, Oh, no, we should go back and do this, right? I saw this over here and then just things would unfold as I would do that. And so I was like, Oh, that’s really sweet. Cause I wasn’t, I didn’t notice that he was catching that, but he definitely did.

Cause I was helping him with a project yesterday on updating his website. I was like, I did this change. He was like, you do whatever you think you need to do, because I know I trust you. I’ve seen you. I’ve seen how. You navigate things, and if that’s what you think needs to be done, like, do that. I was like, oh, that’s cool.

You know, so, and then my clients, too. They’ll be like, how are you so tapped in? Like, you just know, but you get into your own knowing. And we all knew this, right, Janine? Like, when we were children, we knew. Children are so wise, but we get disconnected from that through school, through other things that happen, and we forget.

How powerful we are and what we’re, you know, what our truth is, how wise we are. Yes.

Oh, that’s so nice to be recognized in that. That’s so sweet of him. Yeah, it was really, it was really

nice.

Yeah. And it’s so true. Like,

 

 

I think right out the gate, We are tapped right into all of this and I see it within my own children and then throughout school and different upbringings and all these different messages we receive it’s Stuff down.

And it’s not that it disappears either. I think that’s really important to know for those that are feeling very disconnected or very numb. It’s not that it’s not there for you. It still exists within. It just requires some different unpacking of those layers to be able to get in touch with it. And similar to you, like, talk therapy never really did it for me.

Um, and it definitely has a time and a place and has value. And I feel like depending where you’re at in your journey, we really require to get more into the body and out of our head and our stories and the different narratives and incorporating pleasure for me was a complete game changer. When it came to inner child healing with healing, um, like father wounds, different masculine wounds and through pleasure with bringing in all the different five senses and that sound and that breath to move things through the body, we are so open and online.

Now, we’re able to do our own programming, which I think is so cool, and how we can create that safety within ourselves through pleasure, and pleasure is play, and I think we see all over the place how play is how you learn, that’s how kids learn, that’s how they take things up so easily, otherwise you have to do this repetition something like 20 times to be able to learn something, but through pleasure, we’re fully online.

It’s fun. We are open and ready to receive and we can really quickly cultivate that inner safety, that sense of love and belonging within ourselves

 

 

through

that. Yeah, I love how, I love how you shared that. Another thing too,

 

 

if we think of technology in modern times, how often, you know, even our phones, our devices, our computers, we’re updating the software, we’re doing updates, but how often do we update how we’re operating?

Or, I love the book, one of the top books I recommend to my clients is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Because that book, it’s a quick read and I also love the fifth agreement that follows it. But, it has you really look at, are these truly your beliefs? How you’re operating and navigating the world?

Or did you get programmed in your subconscious mind? Because from ages zero to seven, our brains are like a sponge and we don’t have a filter. And literally whatever we’re hearing around us within our parents and at school, at those early ages, we just take it in as fact. And it goes into the subconscious.

And we think that we’re operating from our conscious mind, but 93 percent or so of our decisions are actually made from the subconscious. So we may be current in this reality, but we’re operating on old software or someone else’s beliefs. So just going in and being curious and noticing, like, okay, is my belief on this, is this my belief, or is this a belief I picked up from my mother or father from society?

Is this something that I. Is this some kind of program belief? And so when we can get down and strip away the things that don’t belong to us and then go into like what our truth is and live from that place of what we truly believe in, like the, our whole world expands. It’s really incredible.

 

 

 

It really does and you are so great with the metaphors.

I love that the software updates for your phone because that’s such a great representation of it. And again, it’s so normal to just hang on to those old stories. It could be the story of being a victim or it could be a story of it’s just the way I am. This is just my life. Um, it can be those lack of abundance.

Oh, I just don’t have any money. I can never afford anything or life is always hard. These hard things always come up. There’s always something that’s going to come around. And this is our programming. These are our belief systems. And it happens like you’ve touched on those zero to seven years, especially and throughout our life.

And that’s without our choice, without our intention. And so we get to a point in our lives where it’s like, okay, I have a choice in this. How do I want to believe different things? How do I want to think? And we have complete power and control to be able to rewire those things, to choose how we want to update our software and continue to run in more aligned ways.

Yeah, it’s really incredible how powerful we are. So much is available for us. Um, and everything is already here or everything we have is already within here and just, we need just to be present with ourselves to be able to tap into it. And you know, white Tantra practice is just meditation where you can meditate free of charge, right?

And that’s one way to start to drop in and notice meditation though I will share with you is quite challenging for me when I first. Learn my, the monkey mind would take over and it was really hard for me to learn it initially, but I got there and it’s so much better. And, you know, even I was talking to one of my clients yesterday and one thing that he’ll have resistance to is the meditation practices.

And I’ve worked with him for quite some time. And the thing with the brain is, and how meditation helps us is that. Our brain is our largest sex organ, and so when we are with someone and we’re the monkey mind and we’re going from jumping from thought to thought to thought or thinking about a challenging conversation we had earlier in the day or something that we didn’t get to do or something we’re dreading tomorrow or self conscious about what does my body look like and we’re not being in that moment and be fully present and dropped in, right?

So the For males, the more they’re able and for females too, the more able to meditate, the deeper we can be present and connect to our lover, which intensifies everything because they feel fully seen. And it feels so much safer in our systems and our nervous systems. And then the, you know, the brain being the largest sex orgasm, the sex organ, the orgasms will flow more easily.

So meditation for women will have you orgasm more easily. And a meditation practice, the longer a man can meditate, the longer he’ll be able to last in bed, the longer a woman can be meditate and be in a meditative state, the easier it will be for her to be orgasmic. And so it’s just like, you need to tune into those practices and we can think, Oh my gosh, life is so busy.

I used to be in survival mode too, before Chandra lived in survival mode so much. That was my main setting that I would be on. And you’re just like, I just don’t have the time for that. And there’s an old saying that says, and you may have heard this, like, if you’re too busy, if you’re too busy to even meditate for 10 minutes a day, you should probably be meditating for an hour a day.

Like you need it more than anyone. And so one of the metaphors I shared with him yesterday is I was like, I just want you to think about a snow globe and how when it’s shaken up, you can’t really see the image in there. It’s so unclear. And then when everything settles, then you have that clarity and you can really see what’s going on and that’s how our minds are.

So the meditation just kind of lets everything clear and the other things that can be clouding our judgment and our thoughts to fall away. And so, you know, that practice helps us not just in bed but outside of bed too. And then just to add on to that too, Janine, is that so many people think that Tantra is only about sex, that some of the big benefits and the curiosity about it is it does improve your sex life.

Yes, but it really is about helping you have a better experience as a person and you, again, maximizing your energy, getting everything online so that your, all your chakras are on and popping. for sharing. And that you’re your most magnetic radiant self and you can be authentic and be juicy and you know, open up your heart chakra and be really loving and connect with the world around you have better relationships like everything gets to be better and then when you do these things and this is how you be in the world, then you become a better lover because you’re so much more fun to be around because you’ve been working on yourself and it doesn’t mean that if you’re not perfect or if you have challenges, we all have that.

That you’re not worthy of love, that’s not it, but it’s just like your life can get so much better and easier once you start to do this inner work and, you know, update your software and let go of the things that don’t serve you that aren’t your true.

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📍 📍 📍 📍 Yes. There’s so many tools and yeah, update your software.

There’s options for you and it has that massive ripple effect and meditation is such an incredible tool. tool. It really is for both helping in the bedroom, quieting that monkey mind. I know a lot of women I work with it can be that self conscious monkey mind as well as that to do list that’s going on, ping ponging between the two, and you lose that connection, and you don’t have access to the same expanse of pleasure when you’re ping ponging to all these different things.

And so meditation is that tool for training ourselves. Thanks. And then that provides access to all of these other juicy benefits in all different areas of our life. And I’m curious It’s your approach to working with it because I know meditation can have a lot of resistance like you touched on for yourself, for your client, it can be really hard to sit still.

I think a lot of people expect to just sit still and be quiet. And that’s absolutely a type of meditation that many people do. I meditates quite regularly for years at this point, like, I find that hard still, and it’s not really my flavor, and if I think about doing that, I have a lot of resistance to it.

But I find guided meditation, yeah, that’s where you can really like drop in and again do that different programming, and it’s easier, I find, for me at least, and for different women I’ve worked with, that rather than focusing on that nothingness, Or even your breath. Um, but being able to focus on particular feeling states.

And different things like that is a little bit easier to have that focus. And tends to become a little bit more fun. What’s your approach to it?

I prefer the guided as well. Sometimes I’ll do short ones that aren’t guided. But that is way more challenging. Because then you can get into your thoughts. So for me, when I’m guided instead of me Thinking of the words in my head or something distracting, I’m, I’m able to just follow their words.

And so I’m listening to them. And so that keep, that helps keep my mind focused on what I need to be doing instead of like going off to a whole other direction. And then again, just like how, where are they taking me? What sensations, how are they asking me to breathe? Just connecting to that. And then that helps me to really drop in.

Yeah, absolutely. That guidance is just so helpful and I like that you touched on like tapping into those sensations because that’s a huge part of it too. And that’s how we really expand that pleasure and being able to focus on certain areas and being able to move that energy through ourselves. As we begin to bring things to a wrap, I always love to provide some different helpful tools.

Um, there’s been little sprinkles of things, but do you have any specific go tos that can be really helpful for those wanting to begin to work with their energy, begin to recharge their batteries?

Yeah, that’s such a great question. What is a meditation practice even if you’re doing something that’s guided even just beginning for 10 minutes a day is fine You know just starting with that is really great and then breathing deep because so much Can happen whenever we’re making love that I know as a woman Sometimes I would be light on right on the edge of having a really intense orgasm And then all of a sudden I was, you know, it was just building up and building up all the passion.

I was like, Oh my gosh, this is going to be amazing. And then it just like disappears. And then when I started studying Tantra, then I started realizing, Oh, what’s happening. I started noticing myself and observing myself and noticing that in those moments when it was getting so passionate and ramped up, it would almost overwhelm me.

And I wasn’t realizing that I would hold my breath for a moment and I would kind of constrict or contract. And just imagine that that orgasm for a woman that it’s like a candle flame and you’re snuffing out the oxygen. If you cover it and you take that away, then the flame goes away. So that’s the same with our orgasm.

So just remind yourself, even when it’s feeling really big, just continue to breathe into it. Also sound moaning is really great too. So moaning also helps to relieve the tension and you’re breathing more deeply also as you’re moaning. Um, and for males, the more that they’re breathing more deeply too and let go of the tension in their body will help them as well.

Um, so just doing that even when you’re self pleasuring and then breathe that pleasure up all the way from your sex organs as you’re orgasming all the way to the top of your head. Just allow, don’t let just the pleasure stay stuck. You know in your pelvic area Use that breath to guide it up and even visualize it because where your attention goes energy flows And even if you want to use tactile pressure like with one hand like kind of touch the top of your head or something and kind Of tap and breathe and encourage it and just even if you can’t totally feel it first Just start training your body to sense the energy coming and shooting it up here instead of shooting all of your orgasmic energy outward, kind of like redirect it and bring it inside.

So you can have these full body orgasmic experiences. Um, so those are a few of the things that I would recommend starting with.

Yeah, those are all such great basics with the meditation, the breathing, the sounding, and I love your flavor of really bringing it up to your third eye and your crown. For me, one of my go tos is just spreading that pleasure throughout my whole body.

Being able to take that nourishment to recharge into the bones, the blood, the cells. But I’m going to start playing around with your flavor of really bringing it right up into your third eye and working that sexual energy right up to the pineal gland. Ooh, thank you for that. I’m excited to try it.

You’re welcome. And I love doing it the way that you, you talked about too. And the other thing too is if you put your tongue right behind your teeth and just imagine Is little more advanced technique is just bringing that energy up to the front side of your body. And then with your tongue, imagine that that’s connecting towards and aiming towards your pineal gland.

And just imagine it being a circuit. And I know I’ve studied and trained with Montauk Chia before and gone to his webinars. And I think he recommends going the other direction. But I found that if you just for me, if I breathe up the front and then exhale that pleasure down the back of my body like a waterfall.

And I had one client that he’s a. an expert in Qigong, and he does all these energy Taoist energy practices for years. And he said that it wasn’t until I told him to kind of do it the opposite direction, that it actually worked. And he had his first brain orgasm with that experience.

Very cool. Yeah.

Running it through the microcosmic orbit. Yes. Yeah. And so we can do either direction. And I find it’s the very like the Yin side and the Yang side. And one can be very nourishing, which I like to actually use for optimizing emotions, feeling emotions. And then the Yin side, and then the Yang side, the up, the front, like you touched on, that’s like the very activating and is great for just that expansive pleasure.

And again, like really focusing up there is so fun to be able to play with. Yeah. Thank you for mentioning

that

too.

I love too that you just added, you know, with your emotions, because

 

 

emotions are just energy in motion. So when you start to master your energy, you start to have more mastery over your emotions.

Like for me, before tonsillitis, I used to be really quick to get angry. Cause I had some still inner child wounding and some things that were happening and it would pop up and I could lose my temper really fast. I’m a scorpio, like that stinger would come out, watch out. And now I’m like very chill, like I hardly ever, I’m just such a chill person.

Now because I know how to balance that and have that mastery over my energy and my emotions. So in our modern world too, we’re so programmed to operate from the neck up. How much do we think? How many facts can we remember? And we’re really disconnected from our bodies.

 

 

 

So recently

I was just, I want to add this in as we’re wrapping up, I was thinking about how we will say, you know, men that can dance are better lovers, right?

But I think most of that is that if you’re able to dance, you have a better mind body connection. If you’re an athlete and you have a really good mind body connection, like being able to have that connection is so important and being a better lover. But when we’re so disconnected and we just operate from up here and we’re really kind of numb and disconnected or feel shame about our bodies, that’s when, you know, our, our lovemaking gets to be disconnected too.

So just having that connection within your body. is so important and just bringing all of you on board, all of your aliveness and charging yourself up and allowing energy, um, sexual energy and pleasure to be something that charges you up and expand your life force and not something that’s always constantly draining.

Absolutely. Yeah, the emotions are such a beautiful part of it and how it all relates together and with so many people being so caught up in their heads. And it’s like emotions are an inconvenience that need to be like compartmentalized so we can keep doing all of the things that we need to do. But they inevitably, Come out in one way or another.

It can either be those blow ups, those nervous breakdowns, or even different health issues. Like, they are going to come up, and so when we can have that relationship with them and with their bodies, allow them to, to feel them, to experience them, and then they flow through. They pass, that energy alchemizes and there’s so much more that we can play around with and be able to experience from that.

And it’s yeah, another one of the great parts of that ripple effect of Tantra and of Taoism, being able to play around with our energy and our emotions.

 

 

And so I have one last question for you before we kind of go into the links and closing, but what Advice or messages or anything like that, would you like to share with someone who is at the beginning or middle stages of their journey and really embracing their unapologetic authenticity and perhaps are interested in exploring this world of Tantra?

One, celebrate yourself for being willing. to take a step. It’s such a huge step. A lot of people will stay stuck in their old patterns and ways of being and they’re too afraid to try something new. So one, celebrate yourself for that and give yourself compassion. Just remember, just like when you’re a baby, you’re a little, when you learn to walk, you know, you would first try to get up and take some steps and you would fall back down.

That you wouldn’t say, Oh, this walking thing isn’t for me. You just continue, right? So just don’t give up or get frustrated if it’s not exactly what you envision it to be. Um, just continue to be with it. And again, it’s a practice and continuing to do those practices. And then, you know, Dean, you’re going to be able to have that as a, as a skill.

It just will come so much more natural to you. So no, initially it does take some time. And that’s also why it is really great to start with yourself. Yeah. That way you’re taking the pressure off and you’re really getting to connect deeply to your body.

Oh, what a beautiful message to share to close things off.

Just really rooted in that celebration and that compassion, which is so important throughout the journey, especially at those beginning clunky stages as you’re beginning to figure things out.

Yeah, it’s

worth it. All change

is hard at first, messy in the middle, and very beautiful in the end. I believe I’ve heard Robin Sharma share that, and it’s so true, so just know that it takes a while, just like the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a butterfly.

There was a part where it just totally went all the goo, and, you know, was like, oh my gosh, I’m falling apart here, what’s happening? And then emerged even more beautiful than ever.

Mm hmm. So stick with it, hold yourself with that compassion, and keep putting those building blocks in place, and it unfolds so beautifully at the end.

 

 

 

Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. This has been such a great conversation. It’s really nice to be able to connect with someone else who’s right there in the world of Tantra and Taoism and all of that fun, juicy thing. For those that have connected and are interested with you, you’ve got so many different things going on.

Where can people find you?

Yeah, my website is YesTantra. com and my social media links are there as well. And then I also have a free tantric quiz and anyone who takes the quiz right now, I added a bonus to once you get your results, you will also have access to one of my masterclass replays on how to transform your life with Tantra.

So if you’re new to it, you can have a bit of a deeper understanding and get a little bit of a taste of what it’s like. Um, so yeah, you can just find me there. And then my YouTube is Yes Tantra. So I share more videos like this on, on YouTube as well.

Great. Thank you. I will make sure that is all linked. Um, I highly recommend everyone listening to check out the quiz.

It’s in depth, hits all the different points. I’ve gone through it myself and what a great extra bonus to be able to have access to that master class and just begin to dive into things a little bit more. So, thank you so much for being here, for those listening. It’s been such a pleasure.

Yeah, it’s been a pleasure.

Thanks everyone. Blessings.

📍 Thank you for joining us inside the Unapologetic with Janine McKinnon podcast. I hope you enjoy today’s episode. If you feel called, I would so appreciate it if you shared about this episode in your stories or left us a review to help us reach more women in their unapologetic authenticity journey.

Until next time, trust your inner wisdom and make some magic.